


let the sun in

by hyghyk (eatramyeon)



Category: Monsta X (Band)
Genre: M/M, because how do i leave them out, main kiho, side hyunghyuk - Freeform
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2019-07-20
Updated: 2019-09-14
Packaged: 2020-07-09 08:49:18
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 2
Words: 21,103
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/19884889
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/eatramyeon/pseuds/hyghyk
Summary: Kihyun's long distance boyfriend pushes himself into his daily life by deciding to finally visit him. It should be a good thing, a progress after so many phone calls, because they can finally spend time together without the distance.But the thing is, maybe Kihyun does not want to meet his boyfriend at all.





	1. Chapter 1

“Hey there.”

A voice greets him warmly. It comes from miles away, in some other city. 

Kihyun exhales the long breath he's been holding in at the sound of the voice he’s been waiting for; after the dial tone playing much too longer than he liked waiting. He had contemplated hanging up after all, not sure if it was the right time to make a call. 

“Hey.”

The bright sun makes him squint as he walks past the closing bakery, the coffee shop, fingers tight around the strap of his backpack.

“Are you home already?”

“No.” Kihyun places a hand on his stomach and it grumbles. He pats it softly as if to say it’s okay, he will eat soon. Anything in the fridge would do just to obligatorily satisfy the hunger, he doesn't have the appetite for anything. "What about you?”

“Still working.” 

Kihyun stares down at the road he's walking on. His white sneakers a little dirty after the rain the other day.

His boyfriend’s silent on the line, humming a little. It makes Kihyun smile, closing his eyes briefly. 

“How was your day?” His boyfriend asks tentatively, and Kihyun hears typing from the background.

Kihyun sighs a little, knowing he is read like an open book, even over the line.

"My dad called me earlier."

"Yeah?"

"He asked me to visit him for thanksgiving soon."

"I thought you were going to your mom's this year?"

"Yeah, I told him that,"Kihyun scoffs a little. "Can you believe he tried to guilt trip me by making me talk to my sister?"

Kihyun had literally tensed up on the call, when the phone was handed to his half sister who was cheery, excited; something Kihyun was unable to reciprocate, " _Oppa! Are you coming back home soon? I have many new dolls_!"

The voice on the other side of the line chuckles a little. Kihyun actually feels a little dreadful.

"I might have told him I never liked any of mom's boyfriends," he decides to reason. "So I guess he gets a little worried. But that was when I was a _kid_. It’s different now, I’ve grown up, I understand things now."

"He misses you."

"My _mom_ misses me."

"Well, I miss you too."

Kihyun stops by the bridge. The late afternoon breeze blows at his hair as it gets a little too silent on the line.

 _You can't miss me when you've never even met me_ , he wants to say.

But decides not to.

So he just listens to the voice on the phone.

"Kihyun," the voice breathes out, a little hopeful. "You know, if it gets too complicated now, what with you having to decide which parent you're visiting over the breaks and holidays…"

His voice trails off.

Kihyun resumes walking, faster this time. Stomps, stomps, stomps.

Across the road. Up the stairs in the apartment building.

"Come over," the other line says. "For thanksgiving. Or Christmas if you want. Any holidays. You can spend those days with me if it gets too difficult for you."

Kihyun stares up at the changing numbers in the elevator. Standing still in the slightly shaking elevator, he takes a deep breath, lets it out as a sigh. Family is complicated thing by itself, he thinks, much more when they’re divided by two, and when both his parents have found new people they like to spend their days with. Kihyun can barely decide what to have for meals, let alone a person he’d willingly spend his days with.

"I'm almost home," he reports instead, taking out his keys and unlocking the apartment door.

“I see.”

“Inside now.”

“Okay,” The other breathes out.

His bedroom’s bright when he steps in, shutting the door behind him as he drops his bag, shuffling to the window and shutting the curtains. 

It gets dark quick when the sun’s blocked.

Kihyun drops himself on his bed once he’s in his own bedroom and rolls on to his side, getting himself comfortable on the bed and looking up at the poster he’s stuck on the wall the first time he moved in there. It hasn’t budged since that day. He doesn’t think he has any plan taking it down at all. “Tell me about your day.”

“Terrible.” He hears typing. “So, so terrible.”

“Yeah, why?”

“I have to finish fixing these parts,” More typing, and maybe smashing of keyboards. “Gosh why is this computer so slow? Anyway, I have to fix things a little here and there before I’m good to go. You wanna talk about your day? Other than the call?”

“No, nothing really happened. You sure you should be talking to me now?” Kihyun asks, blinking at the sight of his desk. His computer’s off. He doesn’t feel like playing video games. He just wants to sleep the remainder of the day away. He can change tomorrow and shower tomorrow. Leave everything to the empty tomorrow.

“Yeah, yeah.” Kihyun thinks his boyfriend hears his doubt, so he quickly explains it to Kihyun. “I just needed this really bad. I actually waited for you to be home but you were the one who called me first.”

“Need? What for?”

“To talk to you. Cause–I don’t know. My work’s going to be judged by all these people, all these _important_ people and I guess I’m a little restless about it.” Kihyun hears a sigh. It’s rare that he gets this restless, and Kihyun couldn’t help but feel worried a little. “I don’t think they’re gonna like it. I think this was a bad idea.”

“Hey you’re fine,” Kihyun says, remembering the other times when he has to be the one to comfort the other. “You will finish it, and you’re gonna be fine. If they don’t like it, it’s their loss. It’s your work anyway, that says something about it. Give it to other people, there’ll be people who will like it I’m sure.”

“Yeah, yeah, you’re right.” Typing. Typing. Some clicks.

Kihyun closes his eyes because he’s getting drowsy. 

“You getting sleepy already?”

It’s like he’s watching Kihyun and everything.

“Sleeping already,” Kihyun answers but he yawns and he hears a chuckle from the other line. It makes him smile a little, rubbing the coming dreams away. At least for a little while. “I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay.” The background’s silent. “I’ll be okay.”

“What do you mean?”

“I’ll be okay just to hear you breathe.”

Kihyun scoffs, it’s always stupid things like that that makes him scoff. “Yeah, right.”

His boyfriend laughs, and Kihyun thinks he’ll be okay just hearing that though. He shakes his head immediately, he’s not in his right mind. He hasn’t been getting enough sleep and is already planning to sleep the weekend away just to catch up with it. 

“It’s true. When you fell asleep on the line all the time, that’s what I listen to, you know?”

Kihyun frowns a little. “I’m gonna hang up if you keep going like this.”

“Okay, okay.”

“Do your work.”

“I am.” 

And then it’s silent because it’s always like that.

Kihyun hears humming from the phone. He curls on the bed.

He thinks he hears someone speaking, but he’s already drifting to sleep. And he dreams about something he can’t recall because he wakes up with his phone sticking to his cheek.

He pulls it away groggily, and the call has ended half an hour ago.

He checks his messages and there's one from his boyfriend.

He taps to open it, and the world’s so peaceful waking up from a nap after a tiring day. It’s orange outside judging from the glow of the curtains, and the whole room’s just quiet. It’s like he’s alone in the world and Kihyun’s content.

_“I want to visit you. I’ll come this weekend?”_

And now his world’s toppled upside down.

The floor’s cold. Kihyun thinks he can hear the movement from the apartment downstairs. There’s a soft hum in the ground. As if the ground’s alive and breathing.

Or is that the sound of his breathing echoing into the concrete?

When he was a kid he has always believed there’s something in the concrete that lives and breathes. And that he can hear them whenever he presses his ear against it.

“What the fuck are you doing on the floor?”

It’s his roommate slamming the door shut in surprise when he sees Kihyun sprawled on the floor between the living room and the kitchen.

“Welcome back, Hyungwon.”

Hyungwon’s footsteps jab into his head, and in seconds the other has squatted in front of him.

“Did you hurt yourself or something?” Hyungwon checks over him, trying to roll him onto his back, but Kihyun refuses, whining. Hyungwon isn’t even exerting all his energy, Kihyun thinks if he doesn’t care then don’t bother to act concerned.

“Just let me be,” Kihyun said in a low voice that sounds so weak he has to take a bite of the Snickers in his hand.

Sometime during his time alone in the house he had went to the kitchen to find something to eat and when he decided walking was too tiresome he lied on the floor and stayed there eating his chocolate.

“That’s mine.” Hyungwon snatches it from his hand and Kihyun scowls at him from the floor. “I practically told you not to eat anything on the left side of the fridge”

Kihyun doesn’t answer, stares at the dust on the floor and feels himself dying.

“Hey, what’s the matter with you?” Hyungwon pats his face, and Kihyun hands him his phone from his other hand.

Hyungwon takes it silently with his gangly hand and fingers, glancing at him weirdly and reads the text on the screen.

“What? Is this about your parents again… Wait… ‘ _I want to visit you_ ’…?” Hyungwon scoffs. “Is this your so called boyfriend saying he wants to come over and visit you?”

Kihyun nods. When he received the text, he had panicked, not knowing what to say until his stomach grumbled and he decided to find something to eat.

“So?” Hyungwon raises his eyebrows at his roommate. “What’s wrong with this now?”

“We’ve never met.”

Hyungwon’s silent for a moment, putting the phone down and Kihyun takes it. He stares at the message. That single line from his boyfriend miles away. Why did he have to open the text? Now he has read it. And his boyfriend knows he has read it. That means he should be replying. Preferrably excitedly because, well, they are dating. Should he just leave it like that? And never reply?

“I don’t want to meet him,” Kihyun mutters.

“Then tell him.”

“How do I do that?” Kihyun retorts, still unmoving on the floor. He thinks he hears a mother yelling downstairs.

“This is what you get for playing this whole game, Kihyun.”

“I’m not playing any. Game.”

“Look, I know you started this whole long distance relationship with a guy from another city because it’s convenient for you.”

“Yes.” It was convenient. Very convenient.

_‘We talk pretty much every day now, Kihyun. We know so much about each other so Is it stupid of me to think maybe… we can be something more?’_

_‘More than what?’_

_‘Friends.’_

_‘Okay.’_

“But clearly he sees it as something more serious and now he wants to take it further.”

Kihyun groans.

“Don’t you like him?” Hyungwon munches on his chocolate bar.

“I do. But I don’t now that he wants to come here.” Admittedly, the voice on the line has always been nice. He likes how they can talk about anything bu Kihyun thinks of having a boyfriend around in his home, his room, his private space.

It’s just a little dreadful when he thinks about it, to be honest. And he does not know why.

It’s silent for a second, and for a second there Kihyun thought Hyungwon’s going to start his life lecture but– 

Hyungwon shrugs. “You started it, your problem.”

He leaves and Kihyun blinks at the dust on the floor. Hyungwon had even lectured about prawn snacks before he wondered what stopped him this time.

He looks at his phone, at the text again and his brain hurts from thinking of stupid excuses that he really didn’t— _couldn’t_ think about it when he sends his location.

When it’s sent he rolls on the floor groaning because he can’t believe he just did that. But telling his boyfriend that he doesn’t want to see him would just hurt the other and he doesn’t know what to do really.

That night he runs into Hyungwon’s room screaming what should he do because his boyfriend from another city’s coming the next day and he isn’t ready for any of it and he really, really doesn’t want it at all.

“Hi, I’m Lee Hoseok, your boyfriend.”

Never in his life, has Kihyun ever thought this man named Lee Hoseok would stand there right in front of him, bigger than he expected, just generally stronger looking than he expected and well, just a whole lot more good looking than he would ever _dare_ to expect. He knows Hoseok goes to the gym–they talk when he’s on the treadmill sometimes— but for someone who stays up all night and consumes ramen like a staple food, what was Kihyun to expect from his appearance?

Even his voice sounds different when he listens to it with his own ears. The soft voice over the line doesn’t really fit this man in front of him somehow.

They met on an online forum. Virtually, at least. It’s a forum for music and Kihyun has uploaded a video of him playing the guitar while singing, not even showing his face but just his hands strumming the guitar.

And safe to say Hoseok was hooked on the video, leaving a nice, lengthy comment that Kihyun was surprised to see one day after his classes among many other comments.

And his words were beautiful, flattering, complimenting Kihyun’s voice with all the right adjectives and what not, and Kihyun may have replied to the comment with an equally lengthy one.

They took off from there, Hoseok introduced himself as a producer, composer, songwriter. Said he’d love to write a song for Kihyun and let Kihyun sing it. But Kihyun told him it’s just a hobby, he’s not looking into it as a serious career consideration.

And somehow Hoseok was understanding. Kihyun was glad, he’s still studying and well, sometimes even through people’s praises for his singing, maybe he never really liked people telling him to go for singing like it’s an easy thing. He knows it’s not. That’s why he never did.

And he knows he’s right because getting to know Hoseok meant he learns about the industry, and it’s competitive. It’s crazy. He wonders how Hoseok go through all that.

But maybe he also knows how Hoseok likes to spend his time clearing his mind while he’s carrying the weights in the gym, likes collecting poetry books and then giving them away after he’s done reading; just all those little, silly details because they somehow don’t just talk about music. 

Hoseok has his way of conversing, asking questions that somehow Kihyun spills and somehow now Hoseok’s one of the people who knows all the little details of Kihyun's life to how burdensome it is for Kihyun, a kid who’s grown up always moving here and there due to the nature of his parents’ relationship– _mom’ll take you this time, your dad’ll take you after_ – and he’s just

 _constant_.

Always been a nice company after a long day. In a busy, busy life they both lead that they barely have time to do anything else, so it was good to have a voice to talk to amidst all the chaos of life. Kihyun comes home and he’s there. Kihyun’s not home and he’s still _there_. He talks to Kihyun while he works, on his way to places. While Kihyun gets ready to sleep. While Kihyun blows on his hot instant noodle that is his dinners.

He is good. He is nice. 

Far away. A voice on the line.

“Hi,” Kihyun gulps. He’s not sure what to say to his boyfriend standing right in front of him in his crisp white shirt and charming smile. He’s never seen Hoseok smile that wide, with his teeth showing in his selfies. 

“Thanks for coming over, the GPS keeps disconnecting for some reason so I couldn’t find your place,” Hoseok says, rubbing the nape of his neck and looking over Kihyun almost concernedly. Kihyun wishes he doesn’t see the dread building up in him.

“Yeah, no problem.” Kihyun looks down.

They’re at the train station. There’s a distant sound of trains on the railways passing by. Hoseok has gotten lost and Kihyun told him he would meet him there instead and lead him to his place.

After freaking out while Hyungwon, laughs lazily at what an idiot he is, of course.

While the upside of dating Hoseok has always been his constant presence as a voice to talk to at the end of the day, Kihyun has to admit there’s always that one other factor that ironically, unfortunately leads him here.

It’s the distance.

The only sole reason Kihyun agreed to date Hoseok was that they were in two different cities. Kihyun knows he doesn’t go on fieldtrips much, preferring to stay home most of his breaks, and Hoseok’s busy, he’s always rambling about projects and everything in his studio. Kihyun _really_ thought there’ll never be a chance that they will ever meet. Because that’s the greatest thing in dating Hoseok over the past months. They literally are so far away he doesn’t have to see Hoseok.

But now he lifts his gaze and there it is, the face he’s always seen motionless on digital pictures.

“Let’s go then.” Hoseok purses his lips slightly, looking at Kihyun and gesturing towards his car that he has just stepped out from to greet the younger.

Kihyun swallows a lump in his throat. Talking to Hoseok in person is nerve wracking and it doesn’t help that’s the first time they ever met.

Hoseok opens the passenger door for Kihyun, in which Kihyun with a heavy heart thanks him for. When Hoseok takes the seat beside him he clasps his hands together on his lap and tries hard to look at the road while Hoseok drives.

He gives direction with a low voice, the car silent except for the music playing. Kihyun sees the bluetooth icon lighted up and knows it’s Hoseok’s own playlist.

He has it on his phone too. He listens to them on the way to college. Almost every day. Never told Hoseok that though.

And it isn’t long before Hoseok’s pulling up in front of the apartment building. Kihyun takes off his seatbelt silently, the radio’s now off.

When he catches Hoseok’s eyes, they stare at each other for a few seconds, and Kihyun’s too embarrassed to look any longer, pushing himself out of the car that smells like Hoseok’s own personal cologne.

Like wood, like leather.

That he almost chokes when he breathes in the outside air, clutching at his chest and wills himself to face Hoseok.

Hoseok’s taking his bag out of the trunk and then he waits for their eyes to meet as he looks at Kihyun expectantly.

It’s obvious the two doesn’t know what to say to each other because Hoseok chuckles and only smiles. The younger can only return it halfheartedly because he doesn’t feel good.

“I’ll take us to my place,” Kihyun feels like vomiting and he walks into the elevator, Hoseok following suit.

They’re silent in the elevator, Kihyun can’t breathe. Their shoulders might have brushed with the tremors of the goddamn old metal box, and Hoseok has looked at him expectantly when he might have inched just away a little. The cramped space is just suffocating and he almost stumbles out of it when it reaches his floor.

“My—My roommate is home. So, um, I hope you don’t mind,” Kihyun says, walking almost too quickly to his place.

“No, I don’t mind.” Hoseok answers behind him. His strange yet familiar voice without the cracks of the line makes the insides of Kihyun shiver and Kihyun feels his knees go weak.

The door isn’t locked, and when Kihyun steps in Hyungwon’s sitting at the kitchen counter, texting on his phone.

“Oh, hi,” Hyungwon beams mockingly when he sees Kihyun, knowing the other would return with his boyfriend who drove hours long just to come there. He seems excited as he watches Hoseok walking in. “Now, where is this… your… boyfriend?”

It ends as a question and Kihyun doesn’t know why. When he turns to Hoseok – which is a mistake because Hoseok’s too handsome for his own good—he doesn’t seem to be doing anything.

Hyungwon gawks. “H-hi.”

“Hi,” Hoseok replies firmly. “You must be Hyungwon. I’m Lee Hoseok, Kihyun’s boyfriend.”

Hyungwon looks at Kihyun with a surprised look while Kihyun wishes Hoseok would stop introducing himself like that.

Hyungwon raises his eyebrows, giving Kihyun the look but Kihyun never understands the looks Hyungwon gives.

“I’ll show you my room,” Kihyun huffs instead, walking to his room.

He has cleaned it earlier that morning, sprayed some air freshener and is a little proud when Hoseok walks in with an amused look on his face.

Hoseok looks at him to say something but Kihyun cuts him off.

“I’ll leave you to take care of your things meanwhile,” He blurts, quickly stepping out and closing the door. “Oh my god,” He groans, suppressing the want to scream as he runs into the kitchen.

Hyungwon’s holding in his laughter. “Holy shit, Kihyun. Wow.”

Kihyun sits down, can’t seem to keep himself together and buries his face into his hands.

“This isn’t what I expected,” He chants in a low voice.

“Yeah, when you say you’re dating this guy you met over some nerdy online forum I would have expected less. But, man, look at that man, Kihyun. How did the two of you even happen?”

“It’s not _nerdy_.”

And that’s what Kihyun wonders too. Of course they exchanged pictures, selfies. But Hoseok looked thin in his picture he remembers seeing a long time ago. And Kihyun’s selfies weren’t that nice, even though Hoseok told him he looked cute. Kihyun keeps those exchanges rare, his phone’s front camera broken for most part of their relationship. And when he got a new one, he keeps it that way and refuses any video call. What’s the use, when Hoseok’s working and looking at his computer, he reasoned. Hoseok never pushed for it. To be honest, Kihyun’s not bothered about wanting to know how Hoseok actually looked like and Hoseok didn’t seem to bother that much too (even though he reminds Kihyun how cute he is from the scarce pictures he has), which is good. They live far away and they didn’t know how they really looked like which is great for Kihyun.

“Oh shit, what do I do.” Kihyun almost cries.

He has put this off for as long as he can remember. Whenever they talk about visiting or meeting each other, Kihyun tries his best to avoid the real conversation, and starts talking about something else. Usually he succeeds, because he’s good at it; avoiding things and steering the conversation into something else.

But when Hoseok texted him that one single text he doesn’t know why he just lost it.

Hyungwon, being the close friend and roommate knew exactly what was going on.

Kihyun isn’t one for commitment. He’s committed to his studies, and other things, alright. But to people, it just seems like such an alien thing. He knows his worth, been hit on by people countless of times, but never really been in a relationship. But when Hoseok came along and hit him with his nice voice and compliments for _his_ nice voice, Kihyun found that he doesn’t need to date in real life when he can still do whatever he wants and still have someone to talk to at the end of the day.

Besides, the perks of dating Hoseok, was, has always been that he’s far away. Hoseok has a job, so he’s busy in the day, and doesn’t bother Kihyun during his classes. At night, they call each other and sometimes they spend the call playing games, matches after matches and it isn’t burdensome at all. And when they do talk, they talk about music they listen to, the ones Kihyun finds himself enjoying singing and then most of the time Hoseok talks about the songs he has written and composing.

But that’s not even close to the best perk of dating Hoseok.

It’s when he gets to ditch gatherings or any social activities with the excuse that he wants to talk to his boyfriend alone in his room because people goes _aww, long distance must be hard for you_. And it’s also the solid excuse to turn down persistent people at parties. 

_‘I have a boyfriend. No, you don’t know him. He lives in another city.’_

And people leave him well alone.

So it has always didn’t matter how Hoseok looked like, or how he is, or what kind of a person he is, because in a way, Kihyun’s using him to get out of a lot of things.

And now, Hoseok’s handsome. He’s nice, well mannered, at least that’s the impression over the few minutes he was actually with Kihyun.

But he’s also a commitment over the weekend he’s planning on staying.

“Are you still gonna dump him?” Hyungwon asks.

“I don’t know.”

Kihyun thought about dumping him. But that would be too cruel. So Hyungwon came up with this genius idea to make Hoseok dump him instead.

But ironically now it kinda hurts Kihyun to think about such a handsome young man dumping him even though he wants it on purpose.

“Hey, remember, be disgusting, be salty as you always are,” Kihyun glares at Hyungwon at that. “And just be obnoxious or something, I’m sure he’ll leave you in no time. Guy seems like he could do better than you anyway.”

“Screw you.” Kihyun narrows his eyes.

“He just looks like he has lots of men, and women who would kill to date him.” Hyungwon shrugs nonchalantly.

“Ugh, I seriously don’t know what to do.” Kihyun knows he could do it, making Hoseok dump him, but now that Hoseok’s actually there in his room his heart’s beating like crazy because he’s nervous and he just wants to throw up.

“Um, Kihyun?”

Kihyun turns to see Hoseok holding onto the door. 

Kihyun glances at Hyungwon who’s looking at the two interestedly before getting off his seat and walking into his bedroom.

“I’m sorry just had to um, discuss something with Hyungwon.” Kihyun clears his throat, closing the door behind him. He’s well aware Hoseok’s just looking at him so he kept his eyes on the floor he just mopped that morning.

“Okay. Have you had lunch?”

Kihyun doesn’t want to go have lunch with Hoseok. “Yeah. With Hyungwon while waiting for you to arrive.”

“Good.” Hoseok nods. The room’s silent and the curtains sway a bit.

“H-have you?” Kihyun asks and makes a mistake of looking at Hoseok because now he can’t look away.

“I had a big breakfast,” Hoseok shrugs. “So I’m not hungry.”

Kihyun feels bad because Hoseok clearly wants to have lunch with him. 

Kihyun nods slowly before they stare at each other in brief, awkward silence. And Hoseok takes a deep breath, his chest rising and falling so gently his exhale’s inaudible.

“I’ve always wondered how your room would look like.” Hoseok decides to say, looking around where his gaze stays on the computer on the desk, and he chuckles a little. “So that’s where you sit when you play games, and talk on skype. With me.”

Kihyun stares at the black monitor of his computer.

“Those are your books,” Hoseok murmurs, looking at the books stacked on the desk and on the shelf. He walks to them, fingers brushing the spines tenderly. He turns to the bed. “And your bed. Where you sleep.”

When he looks at Kihyun again Kihyun almost jolts up in surprise, but he manages a rather calm smile for the man, hands clasped behind his back, scratching at the closed door quietly.

“Sometimes you would fall asleep in the middle of a call,” Hoseok laughs, and his voice rumbles like soft thunders of a young storm that Kihyun loves to sleep through. “I feel like I can’t keep quiet for too long or I would lose you to your dreams.”

That’s it. That’s what made Kihyun say yes when Hoseok wanted to date him. His voice always seems to caress over the line, he says the right things, poetic things that he writes his songs with and gives Kihyun over long calls and thoughtful conversations. Hell, his breathings and little hums in the silence over the fragile line when the internet’s having issues lulls Kihyun into this deep tranquillity that he needs after an intense, tiring day.

But it doesn’t change the fact that it suffocates Kihyun how he’s in the room himself, in flesh, messy hair from driving too long and soft smile casted for Kihyun.

“And here’s you,” Hoseok murmurs, walking towards the other. His smile gets wider and prettier, his eyes shimmer and Kihyun’s transfixed. Hoseok’s palms are warm when they press against Kihyun’s two cheeks. “Hello, it’s nice to finally meet you.”

Hoseok chuckles breathily and Kihyun closes his eyes when Hoseok kisses him gently.

His heart races and his hands shake.

His lips tremble and his cheeks burn, there are tears forming in his shut eyes.

Hoseok’s lips are soft, and not dry like Kihyun would imagine for no reason.

When Hoseok pulls his lips away, Kihyun gasps softly at the loss.

“I’m nervous too.” Hoseok assures him, shy. “But it’s great to be with you.”

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> [Wallows - Let the sun in](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=UIMMhzBceG8)
> 
> This is my first kiho fic aka no one told me how hard writing kiho is asjdkajlsd anyway I couldn't leave hyunghyuk out so I made them the side pairing this time :')) at least i dont have to feel guilty about leaving my other fic not updated lmao
> 
> Anyway im so sorry if this is bad asjdlasd it was an extremely old idea i had to be honest and it was written down on a whim!!! and thats why you may see some things turned out messy 
> 
> i promise upcoming chapters are longer!
> 
> Find me on [tumblr](https://hyghyk.tumblr.com) or [twitter!](https://twitter.com/eatramyeon)


	2. Chapter 2

**Summary for the Chapter:**

> Hoseok fits in naturally. Kihyun is uncomfortable.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> First of all, Hyunwoo, sweetie, I'm so sorry

Kihyun has excused himself to go to the bathroom. And he’s just stalling as his crazy heart palpitates and he hits his own chest to get his breathing right. It doesn’t seem to be returning to normal anytime soon, so he sits.

On the toilet bowl, because his knees are weak, and he could still feel Hoseok’s lips on his and his fingers and his hands.

He doesn’t feel good, like he ate something wrong or is sick or something. Like he’s in an elevator and it goes down and his insides are experiencing turbulence or something.

How was it possible that Hoseok caused this with his mere presence? It was never like this on the phone.

Kihyun jolts up on his feet again, unable to stay still, feeling restless.

He splashes his face with cold water over the sink and looks at himself in the mirror.

“Oh, why can’t you be ugly, Kihyun? Then Hoseok would leave you the moment he sees you,” he mutters, pinching his own cheek and letting go when it stings.

And he could have died when he opens the door, because Hoseok’s standing right in front of him. He has a hand hovering in the air, about to knock on the door.

“You okay?” Hoseok asks concernedly, Kihyun can’t even keep eye contact as he walks past the older into the kitchen.

“Y-yeah. Where’s Hyungwon?” He asks, pouring himself a glass of water.

“He left just now. Said he has to help a friend with something.” Hoseok follows him and sits at the counter.

Kihyun looks at him and Hoseok is just sitting there. But his presence is nerve wracking, even if he seems to just sit still. Kihyun gives him a smile when Hoseok smiles first.

“You want some water?” Kihyun thinks his voice sounds weird. Like it’s cracking or something. So he clears his throat when Hoseok says yes.

He pours Hoseok water too and takes a seat across the older and then it’s silent in the apartment.

Hoseok just smiles at him when they look at each other, and Kihyun looks down at the water in his glass as Hoseok looks around the place. There isn’t much decoration in the rented apartment. There are some stacked textbooks from past semesters in a corner, the tv is a little dusty because Kihyun hasn’t gotten the chance to clean, and Hyungwon’s just a mess.

He watches Hoseok’s soft gaze just taking in everything though, like he’s mentally noting everything there is in the apartment, where everything is placed and finally taking note of how Kihyun looks.

He wishes he knows what is going through Hoseok’s mind when he just stares at Kihyun with a soft smile on his face.

“So,” Kihyun wipes his hands on his thighs, avoiding his eyes as he decides to break the rather heavy silence. He wonders if it’s heavy just for himself. “how long are planning to stay here?”

He knows it’s a bad question to ask when Hoseok has just arrived. But with Hoseok there he has already lost his weekend, and if Hoseok prolongs his stay he will have to sacrifice his weekdays too and it’s dreadful really.

“I don’t know.” Hoseok takes a sip of his water. Kihyun doesn’t look at his adam apple’s bobbing up and down. “I don’t have much work now anyway.”

“Can you be more specific?”

Hoseok blinks. “I… don’t really know…”

Kihyun nods, thinking how to spend his days when Hoseok would be there, staying in his room and all. The precious privacy he lost.

“I want to spend time with you.” Hoseok reaches for his hand on the counter, he almost pulls it away on instinct but keeps it still with all his strength. His palm is warm on Kihyun’s hand. There’s the weight of it too, and it’s just unnerving. “Just the two of us.”

Kihyun chuckles nervously, feeling Hoseok squeezing his hand slightly. “Hasn’t it always been like that?” He mutters. “There wasn’t anyone else on our calls wasn’t there?”

“No, no.” Hoseok shakes his head, his smile faltering a little. “It’s just that it’s different now, you know. You’re here. I am here. And I can even hold your hand like this.” He opens his palm and weighs the younger’s hand on his.

Kihyun pulls his hand away. “Yeah, that’s… nice.”

“Isn’t it?” Hoseok grins, his open hand closing.

Kihyun nods, looking away.

“Hey, where’s a great place to have dinner around here? I want to have dinner out with you.”

Kihyun sighs unknowingly. There goes a night to rest and do nothing.

“There’s, uh, a great restaurant just a few blocks away.” He scratches at his head. Well, at least he gets to have the pasta he has been craving for but been too lazy to even go out. “It’s an Italian restaurant.”

“Good, good.” Hoseok blinks. He seems like he doesn’t know what else to say. “I like Italian.”

Kihyun nods.

Hoseok finishes his drink.

“The pasta’s great.” Kihyun decides to add. “And… They have huge collection of wines.”

Hoseok instantly beams. Because maybe somewhere in their calls Hoseok has mentioned his daydreams of having a candlelit dinner with Kihyun, where they order a good bottle of wine, and just talk the night away while looking at each other. Of course Kihyun shot the idea down, _do you realize how cheesy you are, Hoseok?_

_Maybe you’d be cuter when you’re drunk. Remember that one time you just got back from your friend’s party?_

_We don’t talk about that._

Kihyun has wished he could talk to a drunken Hoseok over the calls.

But he’s always sober, it seems.

They sit in silence. Kihyun rubs at his arm, biting his lips and he doesn’t know what to say. He doesn’t even want to think of what to say. Maybe if Hoseok realizes how boring Kihyun could be he would leave.

He also thinks of what to do while waiting for dinner time to arrive.

Kihyun thinks how great it would be if he could just lie down in his room alone and nap.

But instead he invites Hoseok to play the console with him.

Maybe the worried look on Hoseok’s face when things got a little too quiet got to him. He shouldn’t have let it, if he wants Hoseok to dump him and leave him. But Kihyun’s weak apparently and the next thing he knows they’re on the couch with controllers in hands.

Hoseok sits close to him that he could feel the older’s shoulder brushing against his. He moves away a little, not saying anything and Hoseok scores a goal.

It's tense. 

And no, it's not the game. It's Kihyun. 

He doesn't think he's ever played games so tensely like this before, and it's so quiet besides the occasional, unanswered comments from Hoseok it's almost funny. Except it's not cause Kihyun's incapable of laughing when he's losing.

“Look at the time,” Hoseok says after what seemed like endless matches, and smiles softly as if he’s glad about something. “Should we head for dinner?”

He’s expectant, Kihyun knows it from the way he looks at him. Kihyun’s a little sorry he cannot muster up any excitement.

“Okay.” That’s all he managed.

He turns the console off, avoiding Hoseok’s eyes and pretends to be busy putting away the controllers. Hoseok waits for him to head for the room before following that Kihyun can feel the eyes on him as he searches his closet for clothes to wear. He can hear Hoseok moving around too.

When he takes the outfit he wants to wear out and turns around he has to stifle a gasp that almost escapes his mouth. He almost loses his footing and he holds onto the clothing in his hands tightly that his knuckles turn white.

He certainly doesn’t expect to see Hoseok slipping off his shirt near the window. The late afternoon sun shines into the room and Kihyun thinks there’s some heavenly music playing somewhere where the angels harmonizes as the muscles on Hoseok’s back moves when he raises his arms. And without him knowing it, he’s holding in his breath.

Hoseok pulls his sweater down his torso, and turns, his eyes instantly meeting with Kihyun.

Kihyun thinks his face is red so he promptly goes to change in the bathroom instead. He also mutes the music playing somewhere. 

He still doesn’t breathe in the bathroom.

Hoseok’s silent when they went down and walked on the street. Kihyun doesn’t know what to say, as usual, especially having the scene in his room playing over and over again in his mind.

 _Just because he’s hot doesn’t mean I’m changing my mind_ , Kihyun thinks, nodding to himself slightly.

“This area’s nice,” Hoseok suddenly says that Kihyun almost jolts in surprise, and he nearly jolts again when Hoseok takes his hand and holds it firmly as they walk.

He nods frantically. Because if he speaks he might tell Hoseok to let go.

Hoseok’s smile is audible. 

The street’s almost empty, most people have gotten off work and the traffic has died down too. Kihyun sees a few people heading for dinner at the restaurants in the area. He sees some couples walking hand in hand and looks down at his hand in Hoseok’s.

His fingers jut out almost awkwardly in Hoseok’s palm. Like trapped sticks. The more he stares at it the weirder it looks.

Hoseok notices, raises their intertwined hands and chuckles a little. Kihyun thinks he sees a slight pink hue on Hoseok’s cheeks.

“I’ve always wanted to do this,” Hoseok mutters, looking away as if he regrets saying so. He’s a little shier in real life, Kihyun notes. Yet he holds onto Kihyun’s hand tighter, and the tighter he holds the more Kihyun is concerned whether it will stop his blood flow, because his fingers feel a little cold now.

Kihyun stares at him while Hoseok doesn’t seem like he wants to look at the younger, biting his lips shut. The sky is darkening, and Hoseok looks a little blue now.

“My fingers…” Kihyun says when he feels his fingertips almost freezing. It’s the weather, it’s the nerves but it’s also Hoseok’s grip. Did Hoseok just choke his fingers to death?

“Oh,” Hoseok looks down at their hands, and Kihyun’s almost relieved that he lets go. But then Hoseok grabs his hand again, but this time with their fingers intertwined. He lifts their hands and smiles at Kihyun. “Cozy,” He whispers, happy.

Their knuckles look like mountain range. “Cozy,” Kihyun repeats, looking away. At least his fingers aren’t so cold now. But his cheeks are burning.

They arrive at the restaurant quietly and Hoseok doesn’t let go until they have to take a seat across from each other. A waiter hands them a menu and Kihyun doesn’t look at Hoseok, covering himself with the tall menu on the table.

“What will you have, Kihyun?”

He can see Hoseok stretching his neck, trying to look at him. He hides further into the menu.

“Um, the pasta. I’ve been craving pasta since last week,” Kihyun answers.

 _Be disgusting_ , Hyungwon has said. Kihyun doesn’t know how, Hyungwon’s good at that. _Be salty_ . Kihyun can’t be when Hoseok’s quiet and is so nice. _Be obnoxious_. He’s trying.

“Hey,” Hoseok pulls down his menu with a finger, and smiles almost gladly when their eyes meet. “You okay over there?”

He’s leaning over the table, and Kihyun puts his menu down to let him retreat back into his seat.

“You can choose the wine,” Kihyun mutters.

Hoseok grins, looking proud that Kihyun’s expecting something from him now. “Sure.”

They order once the waiter comes back. And then it’s just the two of them again. Kihyun should have kept the menu to hide behind instead of giving it back to the waiter.

“So,” Hoseok inhales. “First dinner.”

Kihyun nods. He’s bored and nervous.

“The drive was pretty tiring,” Hoseok says.“But it was worth it.”

“You sure?” Kihyun blurts. Because Kihyun doesn’t see himself being as responsive as Hoseok must have hoped.

Hoseok nods enthusiastically, blinking. “Yeah, yeah.”

Kihyun straightens himself. He plays with the napkin on the table. 

“It’s nice to know that we can talk like this, at night, instead of through a call.” 

Kihyun can only think of how nice it would be to just talk to Hoseok through the phone while he lazes around in his room and eats chips. Now that he thinks about it, he cannot do that now that Hoseok’s staying with him. 

When the food’s served, Hoseok comments on the taste seemingly trying to keep the conversation going. He says the wine’s good too. But Kihyun can’t tell the difference from the other wines he has tasted. So he nods and agrees. Hoseok talks about his project, how he has a famous singer approaching him to get a song.

Kihyun nods silently, because his mouth’s full. Maybe if it was through a call he can say it’s nice how Hoseok’s recognized in the industry.

A call and a real life conversation are so different, it’s jarring.

They finish their food and on the way back he offers Hoseok mints. The little white tablets tumbling out of the metal box and onto his palm in his tension. Hoseok accepts it, but also holds his hand again seeing how it was empty after he puts his box of mints away. This time he doesn’t suffocate Kihyun’s fingers and gently holds it. Kihyun feels their hands swaying slightly as Hoseok comments on how the sky looks the same where he lives.

Of course it is. They live on the same earth after all, Kihyun thinks.

He could have said that, in a teasing manner like he sometimes teases Hoseok over the phone. And Hoseok would chuckle and say _‘hey’_ with his soft voice that makes Kihyun’s stomach do flips.

Kihyun’s stomach now is just heavy with pasta and wine and dread.

“Is this where you walk after hanging out with your friends at the bar?” Hoseok asks.

“Yes.” Kihyun could see himself walking and laughing with his friends there. 

It’s silent with Hoseok.

Hoseok looks around. Kihyun told him a lot about what he sees on his way home before, Hoseok always calling to accompany him on his way back. Kihyun likes the walk home in the evening, after some hanging out, or after that one part time job he had. He quit because the manager was asking him to commit too much to a silly part time job.

Hyungwon said Kihyun’s hopeless when it comes to long term matters.

But the truth is he’s just strict and uptight. Kihyun doesn’t want overtime and doesn’t like working additional shifts just because someone else is not present.

And Hyungwon’s home when they returned. Kihyun can see the lights on in the room. But it’s silent so he assumes Hyungwon’s asleep or something.

“I’m gonna shower, I think,” Kihyun says, quickly taking his towel and change of clothes once they are in his room and leaving Hoseok alone just so he can be alone in the bathroom himself.

He turns the water scalding hot because it has been too cold outside. He changes in the bathroom again. When he gets out Hoseok’s on his bed, looking at his phone.

“The bathroom’s yours now,” Kihyun says, and Hoseok looks up from his phone almost surprisedly, and nods.

Kihyun lies on the bed when he’s alone. His hair’s damp and he doesn’t care that it makes the pillow damp too. He rubs his eyes. He can’t believe Hoseok’s there.

He doesn’t have to turn on Skype or anything to call the older. Hoseok’s there. They can just talk. No devices to connect them together, no distance.

He feels some sort of unknown stuffy feeling in his chest and he sighs, staring emptily at the poster on the wall. That old poster that’s never taken down. 

When Hoseok comes out he notices Hoseok too, changed in the bathroom. 

Hoseok rummages into his bag on the foot of the bed, and Kihyun sits up, watching him.

“So,” Hoseok bites at his lower lip as he searched for something in his bag. “I got you something.”

Kihyun unknowingly tries to take a look of what it might be as Hoseok pulls it out.

He blinks at the black hoodie in Hoseok’s hand.

“Ta-“ Hoseok’s smile falters a little—in embarrassment it seems— that even his voice lowers. “-Dah.”

He hands it to Kihyun and Kihyun takes it quietly.

It’s just a plain black hoodie, and as he lifts it with his hands, he finds it’s rather oversized. Kihyun has seen it before. In one of those pictures Hoseok had sent him. 

“It’s old,” Hoseok says, sitting on the bed, nearing the younger with a hopeful look in his eyes.

“Oh,” is all Kihyun can manage because he can’t for the life of him figure out why Hoseok’s giving him an old hoodie.

At the lack of response, Hoseok speaks up again. “It’s my favorite.” His voice rises a little, as if he’s a little excited. “I mean, it was my favorite. Now it’s yours.”

Kihyun puts it down on his lap. The fabric feels like it has been washed a lot. His fingers trace through the printed letters.

“I used to wear it a lot,” Hoseok chuckles.

Kihyun looks at him. “Thanks.” He manages a smile, albeit confusedly.

“It’s—it wasn’t my idea,” Hoseok suddenly stutters. “My brother told me I should do something like this, I don’t know—”

“I see.” Kihyun lifts it again and looks at it. He knows Hoseok’s talking about his younger brother. Hoseok said they share everything together, which makes Kihyun wonder if he talks about Kihyun a lot with his brother. “This will fit me.”

When Kihyun thinks about it again he finally gets it. They were in a long distance relationship after all. He guesses something like that as a memento would be normal.

He has never thought of these kinds of things. Hoseok’s brother is really something. And the idea of Hoseok confiding to his younger brother about their relationship somehow produced quite a funny image in Kihyun’s mind he doesn’t really know what to feel.

“Wait a second.” Kihyun gets off the bed, and walks to his closet. He pulls it open and looks through his clothes. It’s messy in there and he’s a little embarrassed Hoseok’s watching —he’s usually not this messy, he swears— but he finds what he’s looking for anyway.

When he shows it to Hoseok, Hoseok grins. And Kihyun likes how happy Hoseok looks on the bed, with his hands clasped.

“For you.” Kihyun hands him his own old hoodie.

It’s dark red and Kihyun used to like it. But he rarely uses it now and he has to return a favour, so why not. 

Hoseok takes it. “Thanks.”

Kihyun smiles, looking at Hoseok’s fingers tracing through the old fabric. “Used to be my favorite.”

Hoseok looks up at him, and his eyes shimmer with some kind of adoration. It makes him smile widely; looking so genuinely happy that there’s a wave like feeling that swells in Kihyun’s chest.

It’s so strange as it settles there inside Kihyun. It’s uncomfortable.

“Let’s go to sleep,” Kihyun says and they put away the hoodies. “I’ll turn off the light now.”

When the lights are off, Kihyun lies on the bed next to Hoseok. The bed feels narrow now that there are two people on it. Kihyun stares at the ceiling in the dark, fingers pulling at the corner of the blanket.

“What a day,” Hoseok speaks up and Kihyun turns his head to look at Hoseok, but his eyes haven’t adjusted to the darkness yet. He only sees black so he imagines Hoseok looking back at him and smiling.

“Yes, what a day.” Kihyun swallows. It feels weird. Now that he cannot see Hoseok it feels like they’re just talking over the phone again. But if he just reached out. He’s sure he would feel Hoseok right there next to him.

If he imagines hard enough, he can still feel Hoseok’s hand holding onto his.

“Um, you must be tired after driving for hours,” Kihyun mutters.

“A little,” Hoseok answers from beside him. If Kihyun closes his eyes it’s just like talking over the phone again. Sometimes he tugs at his charging phone too much while talking the charger would come off.

He bought a new one when it broke after too many tugs.

Hoseok yawns and Kihyun chuckles, because it sounds different from the usual yawn over the line. It’s real, and near, and warm.

“What’s funny about that?”

“You just… sound different in real life.”

“Yeah?”

When Kihyun looks beside him again, his eyes have adjusted and he can see Hoseok clearly. And Hoseok’s looking at him, smiling.

Kihyun turns away instead, feels his heart racing and feeling uncomfortable because the bed’s suddenly too narrow. He feels tempted to just roll onto the floor but decides against it.

So he wraps himself in his blanket, hiding himself and giving his back to Hoseok.

“Goodnight.” Kihyun shuts his eyes tightly. His whole body’s rigid, because Hoseok’s lying next to him, and his yawn earlier was cute. Kihyun has always thought it was cute.

Yet Hoseok just doesn’t say anything for a minute and Kihyun swears he can feel Hoseok’s hand reaching for him. He can almost feel the heat of Hoseok’s palm on his back. Almost certain it would land on his spine and Hoseok would pull him closer or something and he’s already thinking of excuses to escape from that.

But Hoseok doesn’t do anything.

“Goodnight.” He listens to Hoseok smile in the darkness. “I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Kihyun barely slept. He spent hours lying on the bed in the same position because he was too scared to move. And when he finally fell asleep he fell really deep.

He didn’t have any dreams.

And when he wakes up it’s noon and Hoseok’s not in the room.

He turns, looking at the empty side of the bed. Some part of him thinks that maybe Hoseok left, and chose not to say anything because he doesn’t want Kihyun to be disappointed that he’s disappointed.

The curtains are drawn, the room’s bright. Kihyun usually wakes up in a dark room, and he would draw the curtains himself. But now that Hoseok’s there he does it for Kihyun. It’s strange to see the blue sky and the sun as soon as he wakes up.

Stretching, he feels the bedsheet beside him, and it’s cold; Hoseok must have woken up really early.

When he sits up he can see Hoseok’s bag of clothes on the desk and his hoodie hanging on the chair.

Hoseok hasn’t left. So his heart does something weird that Kihyun could only explain as tripping while skipping rope.

He walks out of the room and when he opens the door he can hear chatters coming from the kitchen.

“Whoa, it’s like a desk.” It’s Hyungwon.

Kihyun exits the room and Hyungwon’s sitting at the counter, with Hoseok, and Hoseok’s flexing. Kihyun has to blink to make sure he’s seeing the right thing. It is. Hyungwon’s feeling Hoseok’s biceps. 

“Hi Kihyun.” Kihyun realizes Hyungwon’s friend, Minhyuk is sitting at the counter too, hand hovering in the air to take his turn. Minhyuk’s a classmate whom Hyungwon met a while ago from an introductory class Hyungwon took. The guy’s nice, and somehow they're stuck like a glue now. It's strange considering how they somehow always end up yelling at each other about stupid things, but that's none if Kihyun's business. “Good um, morning? I met Hoseok, your boyfriend.” He grins, poking at Hoseok’s arm and Hoseok smiles brightly at Kihyun.

“Good afternoon, sleepyhead,” He chuckles and Kihyun’s cheeks heat up.

Kihyun’s not going to ask if he introduced himself as ‘ _Lee Hoseok, Kihyun’s boyfriend’_ again.

“What’s going on?” He asks instead, crossing his arms.

“You’re right, Hyungwon. It’s like a desk.” Minhyuk’s slapping Hoseok’s arm almost in awe and Hoseok finally retracts his arm from the fascinated two, unaffected by the pinchings that followed.

“They wanted to feel my muscles, and oh, I left you some breakfast in the microwave,” Hoseok says. When he sees Kihyun merely blinking he turns a little sheepish and awkward. Like he has been waiting all his life to tell Kihyun that. 

So Kihyun just nods instead, and gestures at the bathroom to tell him he’s just going to freshen up.

Kihyun scratches his head, and doesn’t know why his steps to the bathroom are light.

When he brushes his teeth he suddenly remembers how Hoseok kissed him the day before and almost choked himself with the toothpaste, immediately coughing over the sink. The white sink keeps him still as he grips at it tightly, his knuckles white.

He has totally forgotten the fact that they kissed.

And now he can’t stop thinking about how soft and plump Hoseok’s lips are. And how he smells like aftershave, with his own personal cologne.

Kihyun looks into the mirror in front of him and he looks miserable.

After bathroom business he goes out and heads to the kitchen quietly. True to Hoseok’s words there are scrambled eggs and bacons in the microwave. He squints at the food. 

Did Hoseok do all these?

He sits at the counter while the three are talking about the weather and some nonsense that Minhyuk has a knack of bringing up.

And he watches silently as Hoseok goes along with the conversation, laughing when the two starts bickering as usual. Hyungwon calls Minhyuk an idiot, Minhyuk yells at him but Hyungwon just grabs at his hand before he could knock his cup off the counter. And Minhyuk smiles sheepishly at him while Hyungwon rolls his eyes.

It’s a usual day, Kihyun’s seen everything before. The chaos that are his two friends. Him at the side taking it in; wondering how he’s friends with these two and how these two are actually insufferable when they’re together. It’s just another Saturday. 

Except now there’s Hoseok, and his presence seems to just fit in the whole noon in the apartment, with his almost excited voice talking and his thinking face when he’s asked what songs of his have been played on the radio.

Usually over the phone when Hoseok thinks, it’s a small hum, or just silence. Sometimes Kihyun wasn’t sure if he lost Hoseok, he would even think the connection was cut off or something. And then Hoseok would speak again and Kihyun breathed a sigh of relief to himself.

“That’s amazing, Hyungwon sings that in the karaoke room all the time!” Minhyuk’s eyes are gleaming in excitement at Hoseok’s experience of working in the music industry. “Who else have you worked with?”

Hoseok answers a list of singers, and Kihyun’s heard it all before, finding it old news even as Hyungwon’s nodding thoughtfully at the list and tells Hoseok he’s actually a DJ. Kihyun wants to roll his eyes at that.

“I’ll be in my room.” Kihyun speaks up. Hoseok looks up, and blinks once at him. He nods, smiling a little.

Being alone in the room feels like a huge relief. Kihyun turns on his computer and looks over his assignments. He looks back at the window. The curtains are drawn. Hoseok’s bag is right next to his computer, slightly open. Kihyun takes it and peeks inside.

Hoseok packed light. 

He places the bag into his closet instead.

And seeing the mess in the closet he remembers to do laundry. The night before Hoseok came he had stuffed everything into his closet just so the room would at least look tidier than before. He hadn’t thought about what to do with the mess inside though. It’s hard to clean the house when he’s mind is filled with messy thoughts.

He pulls them all out, the clothes tumbling onto his feet.

So he goes out of the room to take the laundry basket, and Hoseok’s still talking to the two, friendly and accommodating to the two’s excitements.

Kihyun’s somehow a little thankful that Hoseok’s so absorbed in the conversation he doesn’t have to spend time together with him. Kihyun really doesn’t want to have Hoseok feel awkward around him just because he makes it to be. 

He stands at the door of his room and the kiss Hoseok gave him slips into his mind again he almost squeals. He throws clothes into the basket angrily, thinking about it and unable to stop thinking about it because it’s all that occupies his mind so he thinks and thinks and thinks about it.

“Do you need help?”

Kihyun stops mid way throwing his clothes and looks at Hoseok who stands by the door. He seems almost worried, eyebrows furrowed. Hoseok manages a smile at him though, and he avoids the eyes as he picks the basket up.

“It’s okay, I got it,” Kihyun says and he’s a little disappointed his voice was so low.

Hoseok nods.

“W-where are your clothes?” Kihyun asks, and gazes at the older. He hides in his shoulders when he sees the way Hoseok raises his eyebrows questioningly. “I—I’ll wash them.”

Hoseok walks, taking the shirts he has worn and placing them into the basket.

“S-so did you, um, have a good time getting to know them?” Kihyun lowers his head, and Hoseok’s clothes are mixed with his. Their used clothes.

“Oh,” Hoseok stands too close even with the basket between them. “Yeah. They’re very curious about things.” And he chuckles, the sound of it so warm and soothing somehow.

“Nah, they’re just nosy.” Kihyun forces a smile despite the roller coaster in his stomach.

“Are they dating?” Hoseok tilts his head to look at the younger better and Kihyun takes a step back, looking everywhere but Hoseok.

“No, they’re not.” He almost laughs. “That would be ridiculous.”

“Oh, I thought…” Hoseok thinks. “I guess I was wrong.”

Kihyun nods, and gestures to the door because he needs to get on with the laundry. Hoseok steps aside to let him walk out of the room. He can feel Hoseok following him from behind, Hyungwon and Minhyuk bickering again in the living room.

Hyungwon’s loud and Minhyuk’s whining.

“Don't forget your wallet, Hyungwon. You do that all the time.”

“Yeah yeah. Are my car keys still in your bag? There's my wallet, it's in your bag! Why is it there?”

“How the hell would I know? You put your things in my bag all the time!”

Kihyun’s nervous, his spine is chilly, his back is stiff. He tries not to let it show as he pulls the lid of the washer up and starts fetching the detergents on the shelf.

“They're compatible though, aren't they?” Hoseok laughs, overhearing the conversation too.

Kihyun shrugs. “Not sure if compatible is yelling at each other all the time.”

“Well, it's good yelling you know. They bicker but only because everything about them falls into place so well.”

Kihyun looks at Hoseok for a moment.

“Do you need help?” Hoseok asks again when Kihyun starts loading the clothes into the washing machine.

Before Kihyun could answer he reaches for the clothes too and their hands bump into each other. Kihyun deliberately tries to take the clothes again when he sees Hoseok reaching, and their hands hit again.

Hoseok forces a chuckle, embarrassed.

 _Talk about compatibility_ , Kihyun’s thinking.

“It’s fine I’ll do it myself.” Kihyun shakes his head, a little relieved somehow but when he catches Hoseok’s eyes on him Hoseok is just smiling. It makes him nervous. He wants to puke into the machine.

And Hoseok watches him as he does everything that Kihyun’s fingers might have trembled as he poured the detergent in and closed the lid. He pushes at the buttons, biting his lips, and Hoseok chuckles.

“What?” Kihyun asks almost too quickly he hates himself.

“Nothing.” Hoseok crosses his arms and grins at him. His smile is as wide as the sky, gums showing. Kihyun has never seen such a bright and healthy smile.

“This will take a while.” Kihyun scratches his head, looking down at the timer.

Hoseok nods, so Kihyun leaves, and Hoseok follows.

Minhyuk notices Kihyun and Hoseok walking through the living room. “Oh, Kihyun.” 

“Yeah?” Kihyun returns the laundry basket to its place and raises his eyebrows at the Minhyuk.

“You’re going to Hyunwoo’s party tonight?”

“Oh, right!” Hyungwon exclaims. “Hoseok can come too.”

“When is it?” Hoseok asks.

“It’s tonight,” Minhyuk answers with a smile and Hyungwon nods.

“I’ll be in charge of the music,” Hyungwon makes a DJ-ing gesture and Minhyuk slaps his hand, annoyed for some reason. “ _Hey!_ ”

Kihyun has totally forgotten about the party. And he did say he was going, which means he has to. It's that one obligatory party he has to actually attend because he kept finding ways not to attend the past ones. He pinches the bridge of his nose mentally, frustrated at another lost night of doing absolutely nothing in his room.

He also can’t believe the two in the living room has invited Hoseok to come too. He can’t possibly imagine going to a friend’s party with Hoseok, his supposedly long distance boyfriend. Imagine all the people he has to introduce Hoseok to. The amount of time he would have to explain how Hoseok is his boyfriend. This man who actually looks like he’s too good to be true. Like he doesn’t even belong there in that shabby apartment. Standing next to someone like Kihyun.

Would people even believe Kihyun that that person is his boyfriend?

Kihyun decides to just silently walk into his room. There’s a sound of Hoseok saying goodbye to Minhyuk and Hyungwon before he appears in the bedroom.

“So who’s this Hyunwoo?”

Hoseok closes the door behind him. It’s only the two of them in the room now Kihyun’s a little flustered.

This is what he hates about commitment. Having to explain everything. 

“Oh, one of our friends.” Kihyun shrugs, not knowing what to do with himself as he stands in the middle of the room. 

“You’ve never told me about him.” Hoseok smiles a little and Kihyun has to seat himself on the messy bed because his knees hurt.

Hoseok sits beside him.

“About tonight,” Kihyun sighs. “A lot of people will be there.”

“Yeah?”

Kihyun shies away a little at the close proximity they are seated with each other. “There will be a lot of people you don’t know there…” He shrugs slowly.

“Yeah, they’re all your friends, right? Just like this Hyunwoo. You’ve never talked about him before.”

Kihyun doesn’t know what he means by that so he stares at Hoseok for a moment, before recomposing himself. “Well, yeah.”

Hoseok waits for him to elaborate but Kihyun doesn’t. They stare at each other in silence before Hoseok looks away.

“Ah, so many strangers,” Hoseok mutters, and then takes a deep breath. “I’ll just wait for you right here, is that’s okay, then?”

“What?”

“I have some work to check on so, yeah.” He shrugs, scratching his head. He leans back on his two hands. “Just go and have fun.”

Kihyun nods. But then it’s quiet again. Kihyun plays with his own hands.

“What should we do today?” Hoseok leans closer Kihyun has to prevent himself from looking at his lips. “What do you want to do?”

“Let’s just stay at home,” Kihyun says and he swears he could almost see Hoseok frowning, but Hoseok nods slowly. “We have our clothes in the washer remember?”

Hoseok laughs. “I almost forgot.”

Kihyun smiles a little. And Kihyun smiles again when he watches Hoseok hanging his clothes under the blue sky outside on the balcony.

The party’s in full swing when Kihyun, Hyungwon and Minhyuk arrived.

Hyunwoo had opened the door and ushered them in, quickly pulling Kihyun aside and asking him if he wanted a drink. He quickly left with Kihyun’s jacket and a promise to come back with his drink.

For some reason, Minhyuk and Hyungwon have drinks in their hands already as they stood in the house, Kihyun hunching in his shoulders at the people passing through here and there.

“So,” Hyungwon starts, staring at Kihyun amusedly as he sips at his red cup. “Finally got him off your back huh?”

Minhyuk looks at the two confusedly. 

Kihyun glares at Hyungwon for a moment, before having someone bump into his back and having the person apologizing to him. The party’s too crowded for his own good it’s already making him uneasy. “What? You’re sad you don’t get to show off your _DJ-ing skills_?”

Hyungwon laughs. “Nah, just noticed how he was trailing after you all over the house like a puppy.”

“It was cute to see,” Minhyuk chimes in to say.

Kihyun doesn’t say anything to that, because Hyunwoo comes with his drink. 

“Hey, I gotta get some stuff done for the party, but I’ll talk to you later?” Hyunwoo speaks to him under the sound of music, leaning down to hear Kihyun better in return.

“Thanks,” Kihyun says, trying to lean away. “And sure.”

Hyunwoo smiles immediately, then runs off to the kitchen to deal with the chips.

“Anyway,” Kihyun starts awkwardly, thinking back to Hoseok trailing after him everywhere. Most of the time he didn’t know what to say to Hoseok. And at times he doesn’t know if he found Hoseok a little at lost for words too in their silences. “What do you guys think of Hoseok?” The question comes out meeker than he’d hoped. 

But Hyungwon just hums under the loud music, swirling his drink in his cup. “Well other than that stunning gym body, he’s so… _white_.”

“I thought he’s Korean?” Minhyuk asks.

“I meant he’s really _pale_!” Hyungwon flicks his forehead and Minhyuk yelps. 

Minhyuk rubs at his forehead and gets his revenge quickly that Hyungwon curses, looking pained. And when Hyungwon tries to do it again Kihyun quickly pushes him back slightly.

“Stop that or I’ll flick both of you,” he hisses, and Minhyuk scoffs yet takes a step back away from Kihyun.

“Why are you asking us that anyway?” Minhyuk asks. “I thought you guys have been dating for a while already.”

Hyungwon laughs at Kihyun’s scowl. “This idiot doesn’t even like the guy—”

“I _don’t_ don’t like him—” Kihyun catches himself in the middle of his own sentence before sighing. “It’s complicated.”

“What is so complicated?” Hyungwon groans exasperatedly, rolling his eyes. “Just admit that he makes you nervous and your quickest defence mechanism is— _ow_!”

Kihyun has flicked him on the forehead and Hyungwon’s bent over on the floor, crying in pain and clutching at his forehead. He grabs at Minhyuk’s arm to get up again. 

“Kihyun I swear to god…” His voice trails off as he rubs at his forehead, glaring at Kihyun.

“Hey, hey,” Minhyuk pats his shoulder, fixing his hair on his forehead for him. “No fighting, it’s a party.”

Kihyun huffs. Said the guy who was just fighting with Hyungwon seconds ago.

“Anyway,” Minhyuk turns to Kihyun, actually looking a little concerned. “You know what I think? I think he’s really cute. And what I’m getting from this conversation and my own observation is that if you try to drive him away like this, sooner or later someone else is gonna snatch him and it might be me, I’m just saying, that body is to kill for—”

“Will you guys _stop_ mentioning his body?” Kihyun groans exasperatedly, not sure why they keep bringing it up. He knows it’s great. He’s seen it himself. 

But do they know how Hoseok is over the phone? How soft his voice gets when he’s sleepy? How excited he gets at some little things? 

Do they know how it feels to _know_ Hoseok even without him physically present?

Hyungwon scoffs then, glaring at Minhyuk now who’s unaware of it. “Anyway, I gotta set up my equipments now, come on Minhyuk, you don’t want to miss the show. I’m letting you stand front row.” He grabs Minhyuk by his wrist and promptly drags him away.

“I’m not even done yet!” Minhyuk shouts in the crowd they’re entering, and the two left without so much as a goodbye.

So Kihyun stands by the wall to avoid people bumping into him, saying hello to some people he knows. He’s starting to get bored when he hears his name being called.

“Hi Kihyun.” A man approaches him among the people.

“Oh, hi Changkyun.” Kihyun greets his friend excitedly. Changkyun’s a freshman he’s met at some events, always hanging around with Hyunwoo.

“Hyunwoo’s busy with other people,” Changkyun says and Kihyun nods, even though he doesn’t understand why Changkyun has to tell him that. “You haven’t been online lately. I wanted to play some games with you.” 

That reminds Kihyun that he hasn’t been spending time playing games. He has been spending time with Hoseok, going for dinner and doing laundry. He barely thought about playing games.

“I’ve been busy.” Kihyun clears his throat and Changkyun nods thoughtfully.

“There you are.” 

Suddenly an arm wrapped itself around Kihyun’s shoulders and squeezes tightly. Kihyun lost all air in his body.

Hyunwoo smiles at him brightly, Kihyun can see he’s had a few drinks, being all giddy like that. It is his party after all.

“What have you been up to?” Hyunwoo asks when Kihyun pushes him back slightly, managing a laugh. Hyunwoo comes closer.

“Just having a conservation with Changkyun here,” Kihyun gestures towards Changkyun.

“Well, are you having fun?” Hyunwoo grins too widely Kihyun feels his own mouth hurting. And why doesn’t Hyunwoo let go even when he pushes him back?

“Kinda,” Kihyun whispers but Hyunwoo doesn’t hear him, leaning closer and raising his eyebrows to have him repeat it. But Kihyun’s overwhelmed by the proximity and couldn’t repeat himself.

Thankfully someone calls Hyunwoo’s name from the crowd, and Hyunwoo lets him go, checking to see who called him.

Kihyun leans against the wall, sighing. Changkyun watches Hyunwoo disappearing into the crowd with a weird look on his face and turns to Kihyun. He smiles instead.

“I think he’s happy that you came.” 

“Oh.”

Hyunwoo had been practically begging for Kihyun to come. Kihyun isn’t one to attend a party, let alone ones with a lot of people like that, but Hyunwoo kept saying how Changkyun was going to be there, and Hyungwon and Minhyuk too. Hyunwoo isn’t one to beg too, so Kihyun knew he had to come.

But now Kihyun’s left with Changkyun who seems a little off.

Hoseok’s at his place on the other hand, alone. Driven hours to get there only to get ditched in a place that isn’t even his on a Saturday night.

Kihyun feels his heart dropping, picturing Hoseok sitting on his bed quietly, doing nothing.

There are no texts on Kihyun’s phone. Usually it’d be Hoseok telling him to stay safe, tell him when he gets home. There’s none of that because Hoseok told him that at the door of the apartment when they were leaving. Waving goodbye with a soft smile while Hyungwon and Minhyuk bicker again in the background. Closing the door quietly after.

He did say he has some work to check on and told Kihyun to go ahead.

But Kihyun also remembers that Hoseok has told him the reason he came was that he doesn’t have much work to do anyway.

Kihyun face palms himself, feeling bad, upset and disappointed in himself. Even in his stubbornness in staying away from commitment, he can’t bring himself to be this cruel. 

And this is exactly what he hates. This feeling. This feeling that he’s having because of Hoseok.

“Hey, you okay?” Changkyun asks worriedly, taking Kihyun’s hand that was on his face.

Kihyun nods. “Just a little headache from all the music I guess.” He looks down at the drink in his hand. He feels like puking at the sight of it. He can never finish it, so he places it onto a table nearby. “I think I’ll leave early.”

“What?” Changkyun seems almost surprised. 

“I’ll see you in class.” Kihyun manages a smile, wondering where his jacket is.

Changkyun grabs his hand as he’s about to leave. “Isn’t this too early?”

Kihyun looks down at Changkyun’s hand and Changkyun quickly let go. “I—I know…”

_But Hoseok’s all alone in the apartment and I feel bad._

Kihyun clears his throat. “Do you know where Hyunwoo puts all the jackets?”

Changkyun nods slowly, frowning slightly and eyebrows furrowed. “I think it’s in one of the bedrooms.”

“Thanks,” Kihyun says, patting the other’s shoulder in an attempt to apologize for leaving so late.

He rushes to the nearest bedroom and is relieved when he sees the mountain of jackets on the bed. The room’s a little dark as he closes the door behind him, muffling the sound of the music. Only the bedside lamp is on and he walks to the bundle of jackets on the bed, looking around.

It’s Hyunwoo’s room. Hyunwoo has some books and framed pictures on the shelf lined against the wall. There’s one photo of him holding a gold medal at a swimming competition.

The door opens behind Kihyun.

“Hey, Changkyun told me you’re leaving. Why so early?” Hyunwoo hurries towards him, turning him around by the shoulders. Hyunwoo looks concerned, Kihyun’s a little baffled. Usually the Physiology major doesn’t act this overly worried or anything. He worries, yes, but now he seems seriously concerned. He’s usually a fun person, jokes around a lot and Kihyun wonders why he’s not doing any of that now. It’s his party, why isn’t he joking around with his dad jokes like usual?

“I—I just have a headache,” Kihyun answers and Hyunwoo blinks, gazing at him tenderly.

“Really?” He walks to the door to close it. 

It’s silent with the blurred music.

Kihyun turns back towards the jackets.

“Hey,” Hyunwoo takes his hand to earn his attention again. “You can rest here for a while. I don’t think you should go back with that headache.” Hyunwoo’s words are quick, stumbling out of his mouth like mints in the small metal box that Kihyun always keeps in his bag.

“Um, I’ll be fine.” Kihyun chuckles slightly, pulling his hand away. “It’s still early so no need to worry. I didn’t drink much anyway.”

“Oh,” Hyunwoo murmurs, watching Kihyun searching for his jacket. “I was hoping you would stay for a while.”

Kihyun glances at him. “It’s a great party, I’m sorry.”

“Um, listen.” Hyunwoo licks his lips. “I’m really glad you came.”

Kihyun stops looking to gaze at Hyunwoo. He smiles a little. It would just be too rude to not show up at a friend’s party. 

“You see, the reason is…” Hyunwoo sighs, closes his eyes tightly for a second and when he opens them Kihyun sees a gleam that’s different than the gleam Hyunwoo has when the food arrives at the restaurant. 

Kihyun almost squeaks when Hyunwoo grabs both his hands. His eyes go wide.

“I wish you would stay.” Hyunwoo smiles almost embarrassedly.

“What?” It sounds like a little mouse’s squeak and Kihyun’s a little nervous when Hyunwoo pulls him closer, hands moving up to grip on his arms, keeping him still. Kihyun’s hunched in his shoulders, staring at the older bewilderedly.

“I like you,” Hyunwoo blurts out, and his cheeks go beet red, lips shut tightly before he could spill anything more it seems, and Kihyun’s staring at him, rigid, and frozen in place.

“ _What?_ ” Is all he can manage again.

And Hyunwoo quickly leans in, eyes shut and as Kihyun’s processing everything he realizes that man in front of him is going to kiss him.

“Whoa, whoa.” Kihyun leans a little farther away, placing a palm on Hyunwoo’s lips. Hyunwoo’s lips are dry.

Hyunwoo opens his eyes and he’s confused. “What’s wrong?” he speaks against Kihyun’s palm since Kihyun hasn’t removed it, still a little too dumbfounded.

“I—” Kihyun’s not sure how long this has been going on. He’s only seen Hyunwoo as a good friend and brother at most, and he surely missed something when Hyunwoo said he has feelings for him.

He tries to peel Hyunwoo’s hands on his arms instead.

“No, no, Kihyun, please.” Hyunwoo only holds him even tighter. “Don’t freak out, please.”

“You must be drunk, Hyung.” Kihyun’s not looking at him, he’s still trying to peel off the strong fingers around his arm.

“Hey, look at me, look at me, Kihyun.” Hyunwoo shakes him a little to make him look at him, and Kihyun’s a little terrified because he doesn’t know what he should do in a situation like that. “I’m not drunk. Not _that_ drunk really. And I really like you.”

Kihyun swallows a lump in his throat, blinking. Hyunwoo’s eyes are staring at him earnestly, Kihyun doesn’t know what to say. He wants to get out of the place, run away, escape. This isn’t what he came for.

Is that why Changkyun was acting weird?

Did he know Hyunwoo was going to confess?

“I really gotta go,” Kihyun mutters, trying to free himself. Hyunwoo pulls him closer.

“Kihyun,” Hyunwoo sighs, and Kihyun turns rigid again at the look Hyunwoo gives him. “We’ve known each other for what? Years already? I’m sure you feel it too. Don’t you?”

Kihyun doesn’t— _never_ had felt anything but affection of friendship for Hyunwoo. So he doesn’t know what Hyunwoo’s talking about.

Hyunwoo doesn’t need or wait for an answer at all, he leans in again and this time Kihyun pushes him back a little just to avoid it. His heart’s hammering in his chest. The only thing he wants to do is get the hell out of the place.

“I have a boyfriend,” he blurts out. Even he’s surprised as Hyunwoo’s eyes go wide and his jaw slacks.

“What?” It’s Hyunwoo’s turn to be confused.

“I gotta go.” At that second Kihyun found his jacket, and he takes it quickly. When he tries to walk to the door Hyunwoo pulls at his hand again.

“What?” Hyunwoo seems flabbergasted. “You never told me you have a boyfriend.”

“I do,” Kihyun mutters, taking a step back. 

“Changkyun never told me _that_.”

“My boyfriend, you don’t know him. Changkyun doesn’t know him. He lives in another city.”

And Hyunwoo laughs at this. “Come on Kihyun, you know that doesn’t work.”

“What doesn’t work?”

“I’m just hearing about him. And I won’t know him cause he lives in another city? Come on.” Hyunwoo’s shrugging and smiling widely Kihyun’s even more nervous.

“No, it’s the truth.” Kihyun pulls his hand away for the umpteenth time just to be free, and he holds onto his jacket tightly. His heart’s still pounding against his ribcage, and his fingers are cold. “I have to go, he’s waiting for me. You can ask Hyungwon about him if you want.”

He quickly walks out of the room. And he thinks he hears his name being called, but he ignores it, heading to the door out of the place. He doesn’t see Hyungwon and Minhyuk on his way out so he just left all alone in the night.

When he’s home, he’s still out of breath, panting. He doesn’t realize he’s been holding his breath all the way back. He’s relieved at the sight of the door, and pushes in the key to unlock it.

The living room and kitchen is empty when he enters. It’s also quiet. Kihyun figures Hoseok must be in his room.

But when he opens the door to his room it’s empty too. The light isn’t even turned on.

He stares into the darkness, mind blank because he expected Hoseok, but all he sees is an empty, dark room.

He looks around almost frantically, recalling how Hoseok told him he would stay.

 _“Just go and have fun,”_ Hoseok has said, and Kihyun didn’t miss the disappointment in his voice. He chose to ignore it instead, because he’s stupid and now his heart’s sinking because he’s upset at his decision to leave Hoseok alone.

And now Hoseok left. He’s probably upset, and angry. He doesn’t even know who this Hyunwoo is, he doesn’t even know that same man tried to kiss his boyfriend at the party. It turns Kihyun’s knees weak at the thought of all things that seem to be going wrongly tonight, frowning so hard his jaws hurt.

The bathroom’s empty too, so he checks Hyungwon’s room, and it’s also empty. His heart’s beating strongly but the beat’s empty too.

This is what he hates. He’s sitting on the couch in the living room alone because he’s ashamed of himself. He’s coming to think that maybe dating Hoseok was a mistake. He wanted the perks of it, and when Hoseok came to his place to visit him he’s terrified because he doesn’t like making real life effort for a person. He’s just too much of an idiot for that. And too much of a cruel bastard.

The door creaks open, and Kihyun turns swiftly to the direction, gasping immediately when he sees it’s Hoseok.

“Hoseok!” He exclaims, and immediately shuts his mouth.

Hoseok seems surprised he’s home. “You’re home early.”

Kihyun stands, fingers fiddling with the hem of his shirt. “I left early,” he answers, watching Hoseok shutting the door close gently and walking to the fridge to pour himself a glass of water.

Kihyun ignores how Hoseok seems to already fit in the whole apartment, even though he has only stayed there for a night.

“Where’d you go?” 

Hoseok walks to him, raising his eyebrows as he drinks. Kihyun swallows when he glances at the moving bulge on Hoseok’s throat.

“Sorry I didn’t tell you, but I just took a brief walk around the area," Hoseok shrugs, and smiles after he stares at Kihyun for a moment.

“But you don’t know your way around,” Kihyun murmurs, Hoseok coming closer to him.

“Well, I didn’t get lost, did I?” Hoseok gestures to say that he’s there after all, back, safe and sound. His shirt’s just right on his body, Kihyun can’t help realizing, a simple plain t shirt fits Hoseok so much.

Kihyun nods, sitting down again on the couch, and Hoseok sits beside him.

“You don’t look too good,” Hoseok states, handing him the glass of water, and Kihyun takes it, taking a huge gulp. 

Hoseok seems to know his throat was dry and chuckles as he watches Kihyun. Kihyun averts his eyes, placing the glass in between his hands on his knee.

There’s a huge feeling of relief washing over Kihyun, and down his throat too. He appreciates the water, but he doesn’t know if he appreciates how terrible it felt when Hoseok wasn’t there in the apartment.

“So, where did you go?” Kihyun asks. He can’t really look at Hoseok right in the eyes just yet, not when his dread is just subsiding after believing the older has left because of his actions. He hopes Hoseok wasn’t bored because Kihyun left him alone to get a drink alone in turn. He _hopes_. Doesn’t mean that he doesn’t know it’s the truth.

Yet Hoseok just grins at the question, as if he has been waiting, and maybe he has. “I took some pictures around,” he leans back on the couch, taking his phone out. “You remember how you always described the places you see on your way home? When we’re talking on the phone?”

“Yeah?” Kihyun watches Hoseok’s fingers tapping on the glass screen. So gentle, so nice.

“I tried to find them, and identify them.” Hoseok glances at him from the screen of his phone almost bashfully. “I think I got most of them.”

He shows the younger the picture on his phone, and Kihyun leans closer to get a better look.

“It’s the bakery!” Kihyun’s amazed because he knows he told Hoseok he usually goes to that bakery for a quick breakfast snack.

 _The Éclair’s so good I wish you could taste it._ That’s what he said once and Hoseok had laughed, saying that he really wants to.

“It’s closed though,” Hoseok mutters, and it’s true. It’s night after all, the sign’s dark and the lights are off. Usually it’s bright with yellow warm lights all over the shop. It always smells sweet just like the pastries sold there. “And this is the bridge?”

He swipes to a picture of a bridge. Kihyun walks there everyday, to college and after his part time job. The lights are as they always are. It’s strange how Hoseok sees everything that Kihyun sees all this time.

“I think I also found the bar you and Hyungwon always go to,” Hoseok smiles, showing him a picture of the said bar. Kihyun’s really amazed now because he got it all right. “I stopped by to have a glass of their special drink. You’re right, it’s good.”

Kihyun frowns. He looks at Hoseok and only now he realizes how close they are. He doesn’t move away though. He’s just a little concerned.

Hoseok’s still smiling, so Kihyun nods, turning his attention back to the phone.

Hoseok shows him another picture, and it’s the Chinese shop where Kihyun gets his dumplings. Hoseok’s happy, getting them all right, recalling everything Kihyun has ever said to him about the place he lives in. 

But Kihyun cannot brush off the fact that those pictures are the indications of how he left Hoseok alone. There should have been a picture of the two of them at one of the places. Hoseok did say he wanted to spend time with Kihyun.

“I think that’s it.” Hoseok puts his phone away, and gazes at Kihyun.

Kihyun doesn’t realize Hoseok has draped an arm around his shoulders as they were looking through the pictures. And it’s a comforting weight around his body, warm and a protective barricade.

“You got them all right,” Kihyun mutters almost too defeatedly, trying not to look at Hoseok, but they’re really close, he doesn’t have a choice but to look.

Kihyun blinks while Hoseok is silent, and he smells like the night. His gaze is warm that Kihyun’s heart beats softly in his chest, and there’s a swirl of heat wave in his chest that makes his inside melt.

Why did Hoseok come here to this city and see all these places alone when Kihyun knows _he’s_ the only person Hoseok wants to see?

“You look really nice up close,” Hoseok suddenly whispers, and he also looks really nice up close, Kihyun thinks. 

Hoseok pulls him closer, hesitant when Kihyun’s still stiff all over his body, but Kihyun’s whole being softens at the hand that closes around his shoulder, assuring him.

His eyes flutter closed automatically, Hoseok’s warmth enveloping him.

_Knock knock._

Kihyun pushes Hoseok away with wide eyes at the sound, and Hoseok’s surprised. Kihyun blinks, quickly getting up and running to the door almost automatically, but truth is; his heart’s racing and his knees are shaking. 

He opens the door and it’s Hyungwon holding a what seems to be a barely conscious Minhyuk.

“Thank god you’re here to get the door,” Hyungwon groans, dragging Minhyuk in with the other’s limp arm around his shoulders.

“Is he okay?” Kihyun asks, bewildered. Partly because he just pushed Hoseok away and Hoseok seemed shocked but he ignored it just to answer the door.

“I think he drank something else other than beer.” 

Minhyuk says something in gibberish, cheeks red and eyes barely open. He pats at Hyungwon’s cheek and Hyungwon curses under his breath.

“Hold on, we’re almost there,” he sighs, pulling Minhyuk along, heading to the bathroom.

“What’s he saying?” Kihyun follows and Hoseok’s standing in the living room.

“He said he’s gonna puke.” Kihyun doesn’t know how Hyungwon made out that gibberish Minhyuk had mumbled out.

“Do you need help?” Hoseok asks, hurrying to help but Hyungwon shakes his head.

Minhyuk makes a puking sound, covering his mouth with a hand instantly and Hyungwon whines, dragging him into the bathroom where he retches and vomits into the toilet bowl. 

Kihyun and Hoseok watch disgustedly. Hyungwon then just looks back at them, worn out and rolling his eyes as he pats the other’s back.

Minhyuk whines something undecipherable and Hyungwon pats his back harder.

“Okay, I’m not gonna watch,” Kihyun mutters under his breath, walking into his room, heart pounding because of the lingering feeling of anticipation of a kiss from Hoseok. His fingers tremble when he turns on the light.

He tries to focus on the sound of Minhyuk retching instead just to get rid of the strange, unsettling emotions inside him.

When Hoseok comes into the room he hears Hyungwon shouting at Minhyuk because apparently Minhyuk vomited on him. Hoseok closes the door though, shutting the yelling out too and leaving Kihyun with nothing else to focus on in the room.

He sees Hoseok’s bag in his open closet, and wonders why he didn’t bother to check for it earlier and instead had rushed to the conclusion that Hoseok was so disappointed he left.

He feels a little stupid for thinking that way.

“Seems like a pretty wild party,” Hoseok comments.

“Nah,” Kihyun recalls how Hyunwoo tried to kiss him. “Minhyuk just can’t handle alcohol well.”

“Oh.” Hoseok nods thoughtfully.

“I’m tired. I’m gonna sleep,” Kihyun says, taking his change of clothes out of the closet. He stops midway when he realizes he can still hear Minhyuk puking and Hyungwon shouting about his ruined shirt.

He sighs. Living in a one bathroom apartment is hard.

Hoseok walks to him, but instead taking his own clothes out. Kihyun feels their shoulders brushing and he closes his fingers around the fabric of his shirt. He keeps biting at his own lips, some part of him wonders how it would feel like had Hoseok presses his against Kihyun’s earlier.

“Kihyun?”

Kihyun’s startled at the sound of his own name, quickly looking at Hoseok and raising his eyebrows.

Hoseok frowns a little, but he covers it up well, Kihyun can see it. “You’re shy about changing in front of me, aren’t you?”

Kihyun forces a laugh, or maybe the laugh just comes out automatically as some sort of a personal defense mechanism.

The corner of the older’s lips stretches across his cheek, as if amused. “I’ll change over there—” He points to a corner. “—You can change there.” He then points to an opposite corner. “I won’t look, I promise.”

It’s not that Kihyun’s _that_ shy. He changes in front of his friends countless of times. But in front of Hoseok, just the thought of changing feels like he’s about to shed all of his clothes and stand naked in front of another person for the first time.

Kihyun swallows a lump in his throat.

“O-okay.”

They go to their separate corners and Kihyun looks at the wall as he holds onto his clothes. He thinks he can still hear Hyungwon nagging outside of the room, and Minhyuk whining. Quickly, he pulls his shirt off, and in an equal speed and manner, he puts on another one, one where it doesn’t smell like the party and sweat. 

He turns around, without thinking, and there it is again, Hoseok’s moving shoulder blades as he pulls his shirt off from the back of his neck. Kihyun swallows again, not sure what he’s trying to do by staring so he turns away.

They finish changing and Hoseok sits on his side of the bed, looking at Kihyun expectantly as Kihyun puts away his used clothes.

Hoseok sighs and Kihyun glances at him as he walks away from the closet, wondering if he should sit beside Hoseok.

Hoseok looks thoughtful as he stares down at the bed. Kihyun wants to ask what he’s thinking but can’t for some reason.

“Okay, you know what,” Hoseok looks up at him, almost apologetically. “I peeked.”

“What?” Kihyun’s dumbfounded, because he did too. But Hoseok was the one who promised.

The older smiles out of guilt. “I’m sorry.”

Kihyun’s pretty sure his face is red and he’s weak in the knees, all he thinks about is what Hoseok thought when he saw him changing. He has to sit, so he sits and Hoseok nears him on the bed.

“I’m really sorry,” Hoseok says again and Kihyun must have seemed really betrayed. Hoseok takes his hand almost hesitantly and Kihyun doesn’t pull away, so he takes it as a permission to squeeze it. “I couldn’t help it—I mean, it’s only the first time we’ve ever been together, and—”

Kihyun stares at him to continue. Hoseok only looks into his eyes searchingly, lips apart. 

“I’m upset I didn’t get to kiss you.”

Kihyun swallows a lump in his throat and his heart does this weird thing like it’s hopping in the ribcage or something.

“Can I kiss you?”

Hoseok leans in and Kihyun leans backward in return, slightly pushing the older away with heated cheeks.

“After what you did? No way.” Kihyun manages, chuckling slightly and Hoseok laughs, almost relieved.

Their hands are still intertwined in the bed, and Kihyun feels Hoseok’s thumb rubbing over the skin of his hand. He expects Hoseok to kiss him anyway as they stare at each other, but Hoseok doesn’t.

He doesn’t know what he anticipates in the silence.

Through a call there’s nothing much to expect except some uncalled jokes or Hoseok yawning in the night. But now that Hoseok’s right in front of him, he finds himself thinking of many scenarios and each one includes Hoseok pressing his lips against his own.

Like how Hoseok did the first day he arrived.

No warning, no asking for permission.

Some part of Kihyun knows he wants to kiss Hoseok too. It’s never a bad thing to kiss and be kissed, and he thinks he actually likes the intimacy of it that he must be crazy.

He shakes his head, no way.

“You okay?” Hoseok leans closer, looking at him intently.

Kihyun nods, letting go of Hoseok’s hand to lie down and then pulling the blanket around himself. He turns his back on Hoseok, staring at his desk. Through the reflection in the computer’s monitor he can see Hoseok staring down at him. 

Should he have video skyped the older instead of allowing him to come there?

“Sleepy?” Hoseok asks in a low voice that makes the insides of Kihyun shudder. It’s not just the proximity but it’s also the rich sound of his voice. It’s like the first time Hoseok has ever said hello through a call.

He feels Hoseok getting up and turning off the light. He blinks in the darkness and Hoseok lies down beside him.

In the dark, he’s reminded how he could almost feel Hoseok’s hand on his back the other night, only to have imagined it, and now he thinks he truly feels Hoseok’s hand on his arm. Warm, gentle fingers treading carefully until it reaches his palm and holds his hand firmly.

He jolts when he realizes it’s real, that he’s not imagining it, quickly rolling onto his back and looking at where Hoseok’s face should be because he can’t see in the dark.

“Did I wake you?” Hoseok asks quickly. “Were you asleep already?”

Kihyun has stopped breathing a long time ago. “N-no.” He turns to the ceiling. Not being able to see Hoseok makes him nervous, his heart beating erratically and his whole body’s overworking at processing the information that Hoseok’s holding his hand on the bed.

Hoseok’s silent for a moment, and Kihyun feels Hoseok reaching with his other hand, brushing the hair on his forehead gently. He shuts his eyes tightly, telling himself this isn’t happening, why is he letting this happening, why is Hoseok acting this way.

Hoseok’s breathing is making him breathe again, his whole body appreciating the oxygen that’s finally entering his body, and Hoseok doesn’t say anything. It makes Kihyun think how much he likes the fingers brushing at his hair. It’s comforting, he’s never had anyone do that to him after his mother stopped doing so because he grew up too fast, she’s only half present for the years he’s lived anyway and now that he gets to feel it again he feels himself drifting off peacefully.

“Are you asleep?”

Kihyun doesn’t want to talk. Hoseok’s going to say something stupid, he’s sure of it; after many calls with the older he knows he would say something along the line like _I hope you can hear me in your sleep, and dream of me telling you how precious you are to me._

“I’m asleep,” Kihyun answers.

That’s what he said over the phone too, when Hoseok started being sentimental in the middle of the night, _if we ever meet in a dream do you think we’ll get along well? What do you think we’ll be doing?_

“Why does it feel like we’re strangers again?”

Kihyun opens his eyes at the sudden question, and Hoseok’s on his elbow, staring down at him. His fingers brushes at the younger’s hair one last time before moving down and brushing at Kihyun’s probably red cheek in the dark.

It’s so hard to talk when he can see Hoseok, so he pulls his face away from Hoseok’s hand, pulls up the blanket and covers his face. 

“What do you mean?”

Maybe if he can’t see Hoseok it would be just another call. And there’s nothing to fret about a call.

“Did knowing me in real life turn you off?”

Kihyun doesn’t answer, because no, when he first saw Hoseok at the train station he thought Hoseok was impossibly much better looking than the picture he had given and more than he could ever expect. Not to mention healthier and stronger looking than he expected. For someone who spends too much time in his studio in the night eating ramens, Kihyun expects something less for some reason.

And surely that body didn’t suit the soft looking face and gentle smile.

Let alone his gentle manners.

“Kihyun, are you asleep?” Hoseok sighs, he knows it’s rhetorical, but it was the only question he could ask over the call just to make sure Kihyun was still there.

“I’m not.” Kihyun feels his eyelashes brushing against the blanket as he blinks. “Before you ask again, no.”

It’s silent. There’s traffic outside, someone whoops from outside, probably drunk.

“Then why aren’t you looking at me?”

Hoseok pulls down the blanket on Kihyun’s face, and they’re face to face, Hoseok’s eyes shimmer in the dim light peeking through the curtains.

He’s frowning, and something tells Kihyun he’s been worried about this since day one. And they’re only talking about it now.

And Kihyun doesn’t like how Hoseok pulls the blanket down because now he’s looking at the older and he can’t seem to talk.

“I told you, no,” Kihyun murmurs, swallowing. There’s nowhere else to look at but Hoseok. He wishes Hoseok hadn’t turned off the lights. It’s also impossible to turn away because Hoseok’s holding his hand and pinning him there with his stare.

“You’re lying.” Hoseok smiles bitterly.

His heart skips a bit at the sight of it, but also feeling a little betrayed at how bad he is at this, how Hoseok knows him so well despite only having met him.

A part of him screams at him that they have been dating for months after all, and that’s excluding the days they spent getting to know each other.

Is Kihyun the only stranger there in the relationship?

Maybe he is.

And he wants to be because it’s suffocating in the room. If he could he would roll down the bed and run away.

“No,” He mutters, blinking and surprised there are tears in his eyes. He doesn’t know what’s wrong with him.

“You’re really quiet with me, you know that?”

“No.”

“You ramble, Kihyun. I know so well how you ramble about everything everyday, _every little things_.”

“No.”

He does. Hyungwon hates it, he calls it naggings.

Hoseok lets go of his hand at the silence, lying back onto the pillow. He sighs into the dark air.

It’s Sunday tomorrow, the end of the weekend. Kihyun dreads Sunday always, because it means Monday’s coming, and Hoseok probably does too. He’s probably going to drive back tomorrow and Kihyun doesn’t know how he got through the two days Hoseok’s there, especially with how much he dreaded the older’s arrival.

He turns to his side, and it’s the wrong side than he initially wanted, and he takes Hoseok’s hand after searching for it on the sheet.

“What do you want to do tomorrow?” He asks.

He thought Hoseok isn’t going to answer.

But he does.

“You remember that picture you sent me? That dish you learned how to cook?”

Kihyun remembers. He was learning how to cook over the semester break with his mom, and at the first successful dish he sent a picture to Hoseok, boasting and showing off his new skill.

It was convenient how Hoseok was always there for him to show things off. He knows if he sent it to Hyungwon, Hyungwon would pester him to make it in their apartment and he’s lazy to do so.

But now.

“Yeah, what about it?”

He can feel Hoseok shrugging on the bed. Hoseok’s hand lay flat underneath Kihyun’s.

“It looked really good. You sent it to me when I was really hungry.”

Kihyun remembers the emojis Hoseok sent. The frustrated emojis. He replied with one where the tongue sticks out.

“The picture didn’t do the taste justice,” Kihyun says, closing his eyes.

Hoseok hums. “It looked really good,” He repeats.

“It _was_ good,” Kihyun chuckles, he doesn’t know why. “Fine. I’ll cook it for you.” He finally surrenders and he feels Hoseok’s hand turning, palm welcoming his hand. Hoseok squeezes his hand as he laughs.

And then it’s silent.

“Goodnight.” Hoseok lets go of his hand and pats the back of it.

“Goodnight.” Kihyun pats the back of his hand too.

“I’ll see you tomorrow.”

Kihyun doesn’t know why Hoseok keeps saying that, but he hums, and falls asleep.

Hyungwon’s busy in the kitchen when Kihyun went there. Cutting things up and boiling things that Kihyun was quite surprised to see him working so hard in the kitchen.

“You’re up early,” Kihyun says.

“It’s not early, look at the clock, Kihyun.” Hyungwon simply answers, not even looking at him. Something’s boiling at the stove and it smells good considering how Hyungwon keeps checking on his phone, probably just following a recipe.

“What are you doing?” Kihyun peeks into the pot but Hyungwon pushes him away to put some ingredients in. Kihyun scowls, taking out some bread.

“Hangover soup,” Hyungwon mumbles, looking through the recipe on his phone again. “For Minhyuk.”

“Oh.”

Hoseok’s in the room making the bed after Kihyun got up.

Kihyun stands in the kitchen with his arms crossed, waiting for the toast to emerge from the toaster while getting out of Hyungwon’s way. It’s quite later than he would usually get up, but then he was pretty tired last night, and Hoseok woke him up that morning so gently he didn’t get the chance to be grumpy for having woken up much earlier than he’d planned on waking up.

Hoseok had smiled, a hand on his shoulder.

“Good morning,” Hoseok had said, chuckling.

Kihyun could see he has probably woken up earlier considering how he smells like soap, and before Kihyun could ask for another five minutes, he stopped himself because he’s afraid of his own morning breath.

Hoseok comes out of the room, breaking his reminiscence.

The toaster dings, and before Kihyun can take the toast Hoseok’s already on it, rushing. He touches the hot bread and flinches at the temperature, before trying again and putting them onto the plate.

He shakes his hand, hissing slightly and Kihyun instinctively takes his hand.

“Hey, you should’ve used something instead of using your bare hand.” Kihyun looks at his red fingertips, and as he realizes what he’s doing, he lets go, and busies himself looking for Nutella and peanut butter.

He thinks he hears Hoseok smiling.

“Just impatient I guess.”

Kihyun doesn’t look at Hoseok as he takes the jars to the counter while Hoseok pours them coffee. 

Hyungwon covers the pot on the stove with a lid and looks very worried about something at the side.

Kihyun watches him as he takes a seat at the counter, covering his face with both of his hands. He frowns as he tries to open the jar. It’s really tight. “What’s wrong Hyungwon?”

Hyungwon groans again.

Hoseok stands beside Kihyun and takes the jar. When he takes the lid off easily he looks at Kihyun amusedly. Kihyun glares at him, quite embarrassed really.

“How’s Minhyuk?” Kihyun turns away just to not look at Hoseok’s face. He takes the bread knife and Hoseok takes it from him, spreading Nutella on the toast.

“He’s sleeping in my room,” Hyungwon sighs, voice muffled in his hands. Hyungwon seems like he regrets something, that Kihyun can only think of the worst. He hits Hyungwon’s head.

“Did you do something to him last night?”

“Ow!” Hyungwon rubs at his head, looking at Kihyun, bewildered. “No! Why the hell would I? He was drunk!”

Kihyun stares at him for a moment, before nodding. “Good then.”

Hyungwon rolls his eyes, and he looks troubled Kihyun’s almost worried.

“Then what’s wrong?”

Hyungwon sighs, and he looks at Kihyun and Hoseok as if he’s about to confess to his parents that he punched a kid in school, licking his lips nervously. “Look,” He lifts a hand to make a point. “I _may_ have kissed Minhyuk last night.”

Kihyun gasps. “What the hell did you just say?” Before Hyungwon can answer he stops him. “I hear you, but _what_?”

“No, no!” Hyungwon shakes his head. “It was at the party, we were just standing somewhere in the backyard, so I kissed him.” Hyungwon looks horrified recalling what he did the other night.

“So? What did Minhyuk say?”

“He didn’t say anything, he just puked into the bushes.”

Kihyun laughs, he can’t imagine the two ever acting normal.

“Stop laughing!” Hyungwon whines, and Hoseok looks at Kihyun amusedly.

“It must be that disgusting,” Kihyun snickers and Hyungwon glares at him.

“He was already drunk, and I didn’t know.”

Kihyun nods understandingly despite him still laughing. “Okay, okay.”

Hyungwon sighs, and he seems genuinely worried. Kihyun and Hoseok share a look.

“I didn’t know why I did it,” Hyungwon mutters, taking a toast and eating it. Kihyun wants to hit him in the head again for doing so but stops himself because Hoseok doesn’t say anything. 

Hoseok merely nudges the younger beside him and Kihyun realizes it’s because Minhyuk’s walking groggily out of Hyungwon’s room.

As if a warning and glancing at Hyungwon, Hoseok says, “Good morning, Minhyuk.”

Hyungwon doesn’t even turn to look at Minhyuk.

“Good morning,” Minhyuk mumbles, rubbing his eyes. When he walks into the kitchen Hyungwon quickly gets off his seat, busying himself with the soup on the stove. Minhyuk rests his head on the counter, whining. “My head hurts really bad.”

“You were really drunk last night Minhyuk,” Kihyun says and he checks on Hyungwon who’s scratching his head. 

“Yeah…” Minhyuk creases his forehead. “Gosh, what happened last night?”

Hyungwon sets a bowl on the counter in front of Minhyuk, the other wincing at the thud and lifting his head.

“I have to go,” Hyungwon suddenly says, quickly leaving to go to the bathroom while Minhyuk watches him confusedly.

Kihyun stares at the closed door of the bathroom before turning to Minhyuk again, drinking his coffee. “Hey, you don’t remember anything last night?”

Minhyuk looks up at him questioningly, and shakes his head. His eyes are barely open Kihyun wonders if he’s even awake. “Why?”

Kihyun and Hoseok shrug at the same time.

Minhyuk leans over the counter, looking terrified. “Hey… I puked on Hyungwon last night didn’t I?”

Hoseok nods as he sips at his coffee.

Minhyuk cringes and hides himself in his arms. “That’s _embarrassing_ .” He lets out a high pitch cry, ears red. “I wish I don’t remember _that_.”

Minhyuk looks at himself, pulling at the hem of the shirt he’s wearing.

“This is Hyungwon’s! Oh gosh it must have been really weird, he changed me and everything.” He lets out an ashamed cry again and buries his face into his arms, his face now completely red.

Kihyun and Hoseok hold back their laughter, and when they finish their coffees Minhyuk tells them it’s okay to leave him alone while he mopes and to just go about their day. So Kihyun and Hoseok left for the grocery store.

The trip to grocery store’s okay, Kihyun thinks. Hoseok doesn’t hold his hand on the way, but their shoulders brush as they walk and the sky’s bright they’re squinting at each other.

They stop by the bakery to get some pastries, with Kihyun leading Hoseok through the choices and telling him which are good. He thinks the way Hoseok leans towards the shelf with a pair of tongs to get some bread is cool, but that’s it.

In the grocery store Hoseok asks for the shopping list. Kihyun shows him the list on his phone.

“There are pretty much a lot of things to get, considering we’re running out on a lot back home,” Kihyun says, and he feels Hoseok leaning close to look at the list better.

He thinks he’s imagining the chin on his shoulder as Hoseok takes his hand with the phone to read better. Hoseok hums and it travels down Kihyun’s spine, Kihyun tries hard not to shiver and curl into a ball at how close Hoseok stands behind him.

“You should get these.” Kihyun points at some things. “The aisles are right next to each other you won’t have problem looking for them.”

Hoseok nods, his warmth on the back of Kihyun’s neck and shoulder.

“Okay.”

Kihyun turns his head, and he’s a little surprised when he finds Hoseok closer than he expected, quickly taking a step away and hunching in his shoulders.

“I—I will get the fresh ingredients.” He’s sure he’s turning red by now, and he remembers how red Minhyuk turned back in the kitchen. He probably looks like that and it’s embarrassing.

They part ways, and it’s only part of what Kihyun had planned all along. He’s looking through the vegetables and relishes in the fact that he’s relieved of the nerve wracking presence of Hoseok. His heart calms down a little and he’s glad the grocery store’s music is distracting him from thinking about how nice it feels to have Hoseok standing so close behind him, his voice so close—

“You’re going to crush that tomato, young man.”

Kihyun looks up and finds a store worker staring at him worriedly. He looks down at his hand and he’s squeezing hard on a harmless tomato.

“I—I’m taking it.” He quickly takes some others as the woman walks away slowly and watches him from afar, cautious.

He looks for some other things he needed, wondering if he’ll be able to cook peacefully with Hoseok in the same house and whether the taste will be good since it’s for Hoseok. Come to think of it, he hasn’t cooked for the longest time and what if it tastes bad?

“I’m done.”

Kihyun almost jerks upright when he feels Hoseok standing so close beside him, taking a cart with him.

He looks into the cart, Hoseok has gotten everything.

Hoseok looks at him expectantly, probably wondering why Kihyun’s so jumpy in a grocery store.

“That was fast,” Kihyun blurts, and Hoseok shrugs, smiling softly at him.

Kihyun blushes a little at the way Hoseok looks at him and pretends to look over the vegetables again when he knows how much Hoseok’s mere stare and smile is affecting him. This isn’t supposed to happen. Well, it is supposed to be happening, Hoseok’s his boyfriend after all, but he’s already so jumpy and worn out with all these heart racings and shivers.

“Let me see the list.” Hoseok takes his hand with his phone and reads it over with a small smile, Kihyun thinks he feels Hoseok’s hand ghosting over his waist.

They finish getting groceries, Hoseok managing to spot everything, leading the way with one hand pulling the cart and Kihyun surrenders to following him around.

Hoseok pays for everything, placing a hand on Kihyun’s to stop him from paying. He also takes the heavier bags and the walk home is a little silent because Kihyun has to admit he’s a little touched at Hoseok’s acting really considerate.

He walks slowly and Hoseok’s a little ahead. He watches the way Hoseok walks, likes his denim, and more importantly his broad shoulders under the sun.

Months ago he wouldn’t have believed this was the man he talks to at nights.

He smiles to himself unknowingly, catching up and looking up at Hoseok. Hoseok’s hair sways with the slight breeze.

“Let’s get some iced coffee,” Kihyun says. It’s a nice day to be out to be honest and maybe he hasn’t felt this light for so long.

Hoseok nods and they stop by a café that Kihyun frequents. He orders his usual and Hoseok takes a little more time deciding, before Kihyun decides for him, which he gladly agrees to.

They talk about how the place feels different now that they’re together, although mostly it’s Hoseok talking about it. Kihyun’s silent, but he agrees. He’s not even bothered when Hoseok takes a picture of him, smiling smugly after, drinking Kihyun’s coffee because Kihyun couldn’t finish his.

“Do you need help?”

It’s the third time Hoseok’s asking the same question and Kihyun shakes his head, cutting up some onions. Hoseok watches beside him.

“Are you sure?”

Kihyun sighs, stops all movement and looks at Hoseok. He’s not surprised how close Hoseok stands next to him, it seems like Hoseok just likes it, but it doesn’t change the fact it’s making the hair on the nape of Kihyun’s neck stand every time he speaks with that soothing voice of his in that proximity.

“I’m fine,” Kihyun says. “I told you I’ll cook for you, so go watch some tv or something.”

Truth is, he’s nervous with how Hoseok watches intently at everything he does at the kitchen. He’s afraid the food might not turn out the way he wants it to. What if the way he’s cutting up everything is actually wrong? What if it’s the other way around?

Hoseok purses his lips. “You sure you don’t need help?”

Kihyun groans and Hoseok laughs a little.

“Fine, cut these up then.” Kihyun hands him the knife, and Hoseok’s hand brushes against his as he takes it gently. 

Hoseok cuts them up slowly and carefully, but _firmly_ that Kihyun has expected him to be more awkward with kitchen appliances than Kihyun, but it is on the contrary so Kihyun laughs. Hoseok seems confused, saying he just wants to help. Kihyun tells him he’s doing a good job anyway.

Kihyun’s washing his hands at the sink when the doorbell rings. He wipes his hand with a cloth, and walks to the door. Hyungwon wasn’t home when they returned, and he’s sure it’s not Hyungwon either, because Hyungwon would have his own keys.

He opens the door, and immediately the person walks in, Kihyun almost stumbles backward.

“Kihyun.” It’s Hyunwoo, he seems as worried as ever, and Kihyun gulps at the sight of the man in his apartment.

“What are you doing here?” Kihyun blurts out, in the back of his mind he’s panicking because Hoseok’s in the kitchen, and he doesn’t know what to do. The man in front of him was the one who tried to kiss him last night, and he never told Hoseok about it.

“Look, about last night—” Hyunwoo sighs but Kihyun tries to push him back and out of the apartment so they could talk privately but Hyunwoo takes his hands and holds them tightly. His gaze on Kihyun is earnest, and pleading. “I’m so sorry if I scared you last night, but you don’t have to lie just to—”

Kihyun pulls his hands away, bewildered and astonished.

Hyunwoo looks betrayed, but he doesn’t take Kihyun’s hands again. Probably afraid to do so with how Kihyun’s reacting.

“I have to explain.”

“Explain what?”

Kihyun almost jumps. When he turns it’s Hoseok with a knife in hand, staring at Hyunwoo with an unfathomable look in his eyes. Kihyun wants to tell him to put the knife down just to not seem too threatening because Hoseok seems _very serious_ and Kihyun has never seen him this way.

He turns to Hyunwoo again, and Hyunwoo’s jaw slacks, looking over Hoseok.

“Are you…?” Hyunwoo asks, his voice gruffy and Kihyun knows it gets that way whenever he’s a little slighted.

Hoseok walks to Kihyun, his expression still unreadable. Kihyun’s inside fills with dread, but Hoseok’s hand comes up on his shoulder and pulls him closer. He lets Kihyun leans against him, his full palm against Kihyun’s shoulder, warm and fitting there perfectly.

“I’m Lee Hoseok, Kihyun’s boyfriend.”

For the fourth time, Kihyun wishes he would stop introducing himself like that.

“Oh.” Hyunwoo glances at Kihyun, who can’t even look at him. “ _Oh_.”

“And you are?” Hoseok asks, smiling a little that Kihyun’s glad he’s not acting all scary especially since his other hand is still holding onto a knife.

“Hyunwoo,” Hyunwoo answers, and he manages a small smile at Kihyun. “I was just wondering if Kihyun here is okay. He left my party quite early last night.”

“I’m fine.” Kihyun nods almost frantically, clenching his fingers and unclenching. “Don’t worry.”

Hyunwoo nods, slipping a hand into the pocket of his pants. “Good, good.” He clears his throat. “I should go now. It’s nice meeting you, Hoseok.”

Hoseok merely nods and Hyunwoo waves a hand at Kihyun. Kihyun can see the disappointment in his eyes, but he can’t deny how relieved he is when Hyunwoo walks out the door and leaves.

He lets out a long breath and looks up at Hoseok. Hoseok looks at him, thumb brushing his shoulder.

“So that’s Hyunwoo,” Hoseok mutters, before walking away. He resumes cutting up the onion and the sound of the knife hitting the board is louder than usual, Kihyun almost flinches.

Kihyun takes the pan and looks at Hoseok’s back, his hunched shoulders as he focuses on his task.

“He’s just a little concerned,” Kihyun finds himself saying.

Hoseok doesn’t answer.

So Kihyun lets him be. They exchange a few words only, and Kihyun cooks with a dreadful heart, quiet except for the sound of the pan and the meat cooking.

When the food’s ready Hoseok doesn’t look at him, merely taking his chopsticks and tasting the food.

“It’s good,” Hoseok says, but he still doesn’t look at Kihyun.

Kihyun nods silently, and the meat’s a little too salty. He eats slowly and all the way through the meal they remain silent.

This is what Kihyun hates. He’s all alone in his room when Hoseok says he’ll wash the dishes. He knows their situation is tense because of Hyunwoo’s visit. He lies down on his bed and groans into his pillow.

He could have made Hyunwoo leave just fine. And it’s not like he will let Hyunwoo kiss him or anything. Hell, he wouldn’t even let Hyunwoo try again like last night, but Hoseok stepping into the scene was a little too much, with a knife in one hand and everything.

And now Hoseok’s upset. He knows it. But Hoseok’s trying to act like it’s okay, and it hurts Kihyun how obvious it is that it upsets Hoseok, he feels bad and he’s also upset and everything bad.

All he could think of is how easier it would have been to deal with had Hoseok not been there.

Kihyun stares at the windows and wonders if Hoseok’s visit is ending at a bad note. It should have been okay. They should have eaten peacefully and Hoseok would be happy to taste his cooking and will drive back home after a hearty goodbye but now everything feels like it went wrong.

He takes out his phone when it rings with a text.

_Hey, I’m sorry I didn’t believe you. I’m such an idiot. I didn’t know you’re dating someone already. And I must have acted like a jerk to you, I hope everything’s okay between us. You can forget about what I said back at the party or choose not to, whatever. Point is, I’m feeling really guilty, I’m sorry, Kihyun._

Hyunwoo must have felt really bad too. Kihyun reads over the text and feels sorry for everyone.

For Hyunwoo, for him, and mostly for Hoseok.

Hoseok enters the room and Kihyun sits up immediately, eyes following every movement of Hoseok’s. Hoseok closes the door and busies himself looking for his phone. It’s on Kihyun’s desk and he takes it, quickly dialling a number and walking out of the room again once it’s answered.

Kihyun listens to Hoseok talking outside, unable to make out what he’s saying, so he stares at that poster he’s stuck on the wall when he first moved in. It’s some band and it’s dusty. It has just been there all the time, hence the dust. When Hoseok enters again he freezes and Hoseok stands at the foot of the bed as he gazes at Kihyun with an unreadable expression.

Kihyun gulps.

Hoseok sits on the bed carefully, placing a hand on between them, palm facing up.

Kihyun places his on top, and Hoseok’s fingers encases his hand, always gentle and kind.

“The meal was really good,” Hoseok mutters and Kihyun nods.

“It was too salty, I have to admit.”

“I think it’s okay.”

Hoseok chuckles a little, and Kihyun manages a small smile for him. His heart’s inflating, like there’s some kind of gas expanding it, Kihyun feels he might explode.

“Do you have classes tomorrow?”

Kihyun nods, dreading Monday already. The weekend was a roller coaster.

Hoseok moves up the bed, lying down with Kihyun’s hand in his. The younger looks down at him and likes the way the sunlight shines onto his face. His eyelashes catching the light and his messy hair too. Wants to comb them neatly with his fingers but doesn’t know if he really wants to do that.

“Lie down with me.” Hoseok smiles, tugging at his hand slightly and so Kihyun does as he told so.

They stare at the ceiling.

There’s so much Kihyun can say to him. He rambles a lot, anyway, but words are hard to find at a time like this, especially with feelings building up in him. He can tell Hoseok Hyunwoo’s just a friend and he didn’t know Hyunwoo has been harboring feelings for him all this time. And that Hyunwoo tried to kiss him last night but he pushed the older away, and that he was actually scared and wanted to come home immediately to Hoseok. He also hates himself for going to the party in the first place, for leaving Hoseok alone in the apartment—he just completely regrets everything he did yesterday. 

Including not letting Hoseok kiss him. 

He wishes he can tell all of those to Hoseok, but his lips are numb.

“Kihyun,” Hoseok whispers, withdrawing his hand away and lifting it. 

When Kihyun turns his head, Hoseok’s caressing his cheek with the back of his fingers tenderly, eyes boring into Kihyun’s.

He can’t look away. After a million calls and everything that they ever shared together, Kihyun would never have imagined this is how it feels like to look at Hoseok and have Hoseok look at him. 

His heart’s palpitating, every senses leaves him but his sight of the man before him bathed in the golden rays of the afternoon sun, he’s almost mesmerized.

“I’m gonna stay here longer,” Hoseok says, and he swallows, blinking once. His eyes seem to search for everything in Kihyun’s and Kihyun feels like telling him everything’s there with them.

Whatever everything is to them.

“Can I?” Hoseok’s breathless. Kihyun’s suffocating.

“Yes,” Kihyun answers.

And his heart bursts, his blood rushes like a tsunami, he thinks he’s flying.

Kihyun’s happy.

Hoseok’s giving them another chance, and Kihyun doesn’t think he deserves it.

But he’s happy nonetheless.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Idk abt this chapter tbh its a bit ehh but whatever thanks for reading!! I get distracted so easily i forgot to update this dhhdhd
> 
> You can find me on [curious cat](https://curiouscat.me/eatramyeon) now!


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